


A mind is a prisoner of its own castle

by OneWithoutAName



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, No Beach Divorce, Poor Charles, Protective Erik, Self-Harm, rating because I'm paranoid, some horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-07-16 20:43:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7284019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneWithoutAName/pseuds/OneWithoutAName
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the coin pushed through Shaw’s head it ripped Charles’ mental walls with it. Charles manages to make new ones, but the damage is already done.<br/>It takes under 24 hours until the voices start. The voices that are not really there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first fanfic in this fandom and in english.  
> Not beta read, so all mistakes are mine. I hope they won't disturb you so much, that you couldn't enjoy the story.  
> I've made some changes compared to canon, for example, Charles has had his powers as long as he remembers, but nothing too big. Just so I could make the plot work.
> 
> This idea has been in my head for a year now and I just had to get it out. While writing, I thought that maybe this is good enough to post and maybe some one finds this interesting. So here it is.
> 
> Characters are not mine. (Do I even have to say that?)

When Charles felt the coin push through Shaw’s head, it hurt. It hurt a lot. But it was nothing compared to the pain that came after that. When the coin was out and Charles could finally let go of the dying mind, he felt his mental walls breaking down, shattering and disappearing until there was nothing left. And then… came the voices. All those minds crashing on his own and Charles could do nothing to stop them. Moira, the children, Shaw’s men, American and Soviet soldiers and people further away, all those thoughts felt now like they were screaming. It felt like his skin had been ripped off and even faint touch hurt like hell.

Charles fell on his knees and held his head with both hands, trying to breath. He had to build new walls! He had to concentrate! He bit his teeth together as he build new walls around his mind as fast as he could. The voices started to ease off, but were still louder than normally. The new walls were thin and fragile, but Charles knew he had no time to make them stronger now. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes to see very worried-looking Moira.

“Are you alright Charles? You just started screaming and I didn’t know what to do. Also, you’re bleeding.” Charles touched under his nose and felt something sticky and warm. When he looked at his fingers he saw blood. It wasn’t a good sign, but there was no time to think about that now, so he just wiped the blood off with the sleeve of his suit.  
“I’ll be fine.” He said and took Moira’s hand and lifted himself up again. “We need to go.”

When they stepped out of the crashed plain and walked further to the beach, they saw Erik, standing in front of the body of Shaw, speaking something about that the humans were the enemy. But Charles didn’t really hear what he was saying, he could only stare the helmet on his friend’s head with sorrow and disgust. He felt betrayed that Erik hadn’t trusted him and right now, he really hoped to lean on man’s so steady mind. The air was too hot and his mind was foggy and only thing he wanted to do was get some rest.

He didn’t realize that Erik had asked him something until he noticed that everyone on the beach had their eyes on him. Charles picked up necessary information from others’ thoughts. Were the ships really going to shoot them with missiles? He turned to look at the sea, where the ships were and took a deep breath. With mental walls as fragile as his, taking a look in those minds would hurt. Maybe even brake them again, but he needed to be sure.

Charles put his fingers to his temple and focused. He could feel the minds of the soldiers, both soviets and Americans, frightened and confused, but still following orders from their leaders. Fire the missiles, destroy the island and the threat. He retreated from those minds with a sharp breath of pain, but others thought it was from the shock. Charles turned to Moira and gave her a quick nod. She turned around and ran to the radio, trying to tell that the enemy was neutralized and the beach was safe. But there was no response. 

Soon the missiles were flying towards them, but before they hit, Erik lifted his hand and they stopped, hovering in the air completely still. That was, until they started to turn around and were now pointing straight at the ships.  
“Erik, don’t do this.” Charles said feeling the panic rising inside himself. This could end badly.  
“Give me one good reason Charles. They shot us, they fear us and they will haunt us down one by one if we let them go.” Erik said with strong steady voice.  
“They don’t have any reason or right to do that. Don’t give it to them.” Charles said trying to keep his own voice from shaking.  
“You know as well as I do that they don’t need a reason to do what they want.”  
“Maybe. But how would people react when they heard of them to hunt down and hurt innocent people just because they are different. And even if you think that they wouldn’t care, how do you think we could win a war against every government there is. There’s only a handful of us. It took months to locate and recruit four of them and the rest didn’t want to be part of a war. Why would they want it now? You would only destroy their lives. We need time and if you shoot those missiles now, if you start a war, we have no chance to win it.” Charles knew he was talking too much, but he was scared. He had to make Erik see that this was madness.

Every second felt like an hour and everyone was holding their breath until finally Erik moved his hand a little and the missiles flew high into the sky and blew up without hurting anyone. Charles felt relief wash over him, not just his own, but all others too. He let out a long breath and felt his legs go weak. He sank to the ground and sat on the sand holding himself up with a right hand and supporting his head with a left-one. Too close, he thought and tried to breathe as slowly as he could, way too close.

“Charles, are you alright?” He heard Erik’s voice next to him. He lifted his head to look at his friend, who had almost started a war. In his grey-green eyes he could see a bit of worry.  
“Not as long as you wear that cursed helmet.” He said and Erik frowned at him. Charles sighed. “Why don’t you trust me my friend?” Erik looked at him with an expression impossible to read for a while, but then took the ugly thing off of his head. It felt like the presence of Erik’s mind made breathing easier. 

Now that the helmet was off, Charles could properly see taller man’s face. He had some bruises and dirt on it, but otherwise he looked as handsome as always.  
“That’s better.” Charles said with a smile and Erik snorted putting his hand to shorter man’s shoulder.  
“Are you really alright? You look little pale.” Erik said with concern.  
“I’m fine, just tired. Like all of us.” Charles said and looked at Moira and the kids who were hugging each other with pure relief. Charles thanked the god that all of them were alive and alright.

“We should head home, before CIA or the government arrives. As much as I have a faith on humans I don’t think that meeting would end well.” Charles said and stood up with Erik’s help, who just nodded. There would be time and place to talk what they would do next, but it wasn’t now. Sooner he could make proper new walls the better.

Suddenly there was an impact and Charles found Raven in his arms, hugging him tight. As a reflex he put his own arms around his sister and held her just as tight.  
“Raven! I’m so happy you’re alright.” He said as he kissed her head.  
“We did it Charles! We won!” She said smiling and pulled little away so they could look at each other properly. Her yellow eyes were full of joy and Charles remembered the argument they had had yesterday. It felt like it had happened in another life, but Charles knew he had to make things right now.  
“Raven, about the fight we had. I’m so sorry that I made you feel like your true form is something to be ashamed of. It’s not. You are beautiful just the way you are. I’ve always thought that you look beautiful like this. I should had said it aloud. I just wanted to protect you. Please, forgive me Raven.” Charles said as he held his hands on her shoulders. Raven looked little surprised at first, but soon she was smiling even brighter than before, if that was even possible. She stroked her brother’s arms when she answered.  
“Of course I forgive you. And I’m sorry that I yelled at you like that. I should have made my point clear without causing a scene.” She said, but Charles just shook his head.  
“It’s okay, I understand. But please, promise me one thing.” He said and Raven’s impression became sharp. “Please, wear still some clothes. We have three teenage boys living with us.”  
Raven laughed and shook her head a little.  
“Fine Charles, maybe I can do that.” She said with a smirk and hit him lightly on the shoulder. 

“So, what are we going to do now?” Alex asked behind Raven where all others but Shaw’s people had gathered. Charles smiled at them as he threw his arm around Ravens shoulders to keep her close.  
“We’re going home.”  
“Umm, how exactly are we going to do that? The plane is not going to rise ever again.” Sean said and Hank nodded with agreement.  
“We should destroy it, so the government or CIA won’t get it to their hands.” Erik said and Charles nodded turning his head back to Alex.  
“Do you think you are up to it?” He asked.  
“I think so. I don’t have my chest plate anymore, but I think I can make the job done even without it.” He said with a smirk and turned to face the black bird. Others backed off before Alex shot red laser blast from his chest. It took couple of them but soon the plane was on fire and would be useless for people trying to study it.

“Good job.” Charles said and then turned to Angel, Janos and Azazel who stood little further away without really knowing what they should do. Charles took couple steps closer before he spoke.  
“We are heading home. Would you mind to give us a lift?” Charles asked from Azazel who looked at him with calculating eyes. Chares could hear man’s thoughts and lifted his hands.  
“There’s no catch. After that, you can do whatever you want. You can leave or you can stay. This means all of you.” He said and looked at Angel who looked surprised.

Azazel and Janos shared a look before red skinned man nodded.  
“Take hold of each other’s hands.” He said with strong Russian accent and they did. Charles felt relieved when he stood there, his left hand on Raven’s right and right one on Erik’s left. Soon they would be home.  
“Are you ready?” Azazel asked when everyone was connected. When others replied affirmative, Charles projected a thought of the manor to Azazel so he knew where to teleport them.  
“Okay. Don’t worry, this might make you just a little-“ BAMF

BAMF ”-sick.” And like that they found themselves in front of the manor. All alive. All safe. Well, mostly…  
“I think I’m going to throw up.” Alex said, his skin pale and trying to keep everything inside. Raven, Moira and Charles were in similar state. Poor Sean had fallen on his knees and lost the fight against the nausea. Erik kept his posture quite well, but still brought the back of his hand to cover his mouth and he was blinking more than usual. Hank looked fine, maybe his mutation helped to tolerate things like nausea, Charles was little jealous. Azazel, Janos and Angel also looked fine and even amused of state of others.

“Never again! And I mean never again!” Sean shouted after there was nothing in his stomach to vomit anymore and Alex was helping him to stand up.  
“Yeah, first time is always the worst.” Angel said with an apologetic smile. Charles snorted.  
“Well, I think that, as useful as teleportation is, I’m going to walk the rest of the way.” He said and turned to face Angel, Janos and Azazel. “You are of course free to go or free to stay for a night, a week, a month, as long as you want. I’m sure you are tired and as you can see, we have plenty of room.” He said with a laugh. Men looked at each other with thoughtful expression and Angel looked like she really didn’t know how to ask.

“I could take a look at your wing. If you want.” Hank said and Angel looked at him with a surprise, which soon turned into a smile.  
“I’d like that, thanks.” She said and took a few steps closer to other kids. Charles smiled and then turned back to two men.  
“And you?” He asked and with a nod from Janos, Azazel answered.  
“A place for a night would be nice.”  
“Splendid. This way.” He said smiling and started to walk towards the mansion everyone else following close behind. 

Soon Erik was on his side and Charles felt uneasiness from man’s mind. It felt really strong, but it was probably just because his new weak walls.  
“Are you sure we can trust them? They tried to kill us just moment ago.” He said with a low voice, so Charles was only one to hear.  
“They followed Shaw mostly because of fear. They don’t have anything personal against us, so I don’t think that they will murder us in our beds.” He said the end as a joke, but Erik only grunted.

They walked inside and even it was only an afternoon, most of them wanted to go straight to their own rooms and beds. Hank and Angel disappeared downstairs to the lab and Raven showed their guests their rooms. Moira went in the kitchen to get something to drink and think about whether she should go back to CIA or not. 

And Charles, Charles found himself in his own study, with Erik and with a glass of scotch in his hand. For a moment they were just quiet, Charles sitting on the arm of the armchair and Erik leaning on the wall close to the door. The air was heavy with waiting. Eventually Charles broke the silence.

“So, it’s done. You killed Shaw.” He stated with natural expression, still, just that one sentence made Erik’s anger rise a bit.  
“Don’t start lecturing me Charles.” He said clenching his chin.  
“That was not my intension, my friend. It was your choice to make, even if I didn’t like it.” Charles said and Erik’s anger eased, though it didn’t fully go away. Charles took a sip of his drink. He really needed to start making the stronger walls. Now, when adrenalin was not running through his veins anymore, he felt how the headache became stronger and stronger every minute. Still, he needed to know.

“So, what is your plan now?” Charles asked hoping and fearing the answer. He really wanted Erik to stay, he enjoyed the man’s company and in the past months, had even gained some feelings for him. He didn’t know surely if Erik also felt something towards him, he had promised to stay out of man’s head, but he could swear that there was something. Still, if Erik really wanted to leave, Charles couldn’t make him stay.

“I’m not sure yet. I have to think about it.” Erik said after a small pause and a frown. Charles felt a great relief second time that day. There was still a chance.  
“Oh.” He said while trying to get his thoughts together. “Well, I still think about turning this plaice to a school. So, if you want to help with that… There’s obliviously still much to plan and paperwork to do. The mansion itself needs fixing. I don’t even know if I can find enough teachers and Hank has to build a new Cerebro and-“.Charles realized that he was babbling, so he took a deep breath before he continued.

“The thing is… I would be really happy, if you stayed here. We make a good team. And I’m sure the children would be glad to have you too.” He said and looked straight to the other man’s eyes. Erik seemed a bit uncomfortable, looking away, so Charles finished his drink and stood up.

“Well, at least think about it my friend.” He said and yawned. “I’ll go to get some sleep now, this day has been so stressful that I think I’m going to fall asleep standing.” He said and smiled to Erik. “Good night.” He said and patted him on arm, before stepped out of the door.  
“Sleep well, Charles.” He heard Erik’s replay.

When Charles got to his room, he changed to his pajamas and sat on the bed, but instead of going to sleep, he started to concentrate and soon could feel his new, thin and weak mental walls. He could sense some cracks on them already and sighed. This would take a while…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have chapters 2 and 3 ready, so I figured that I could just post them right away. Mostly because nothing really happened in the firt one.

When Erik woke up next morning, it was already nine am. Two hours later than he usually woke up, but it was understandable, yesterday had been really grueling. He still couldn’t understand that it was all over, Shaw was dead and he had avenged for his mother’s death.

Erik rubbed his face and rose from the bed. He stretched his arms before he walked to the window and opened the curtains. Morning was calm, but cloudy, good weather for running. After a day like yesterday, some could think that he would rather stay inside and rest, but he had so much to think and running always made his thoughts clearer.

So, Erik dressed in the gray hoodie and sweat pants and went to downstairs. He was surprised to see the children, sleeping in the living room. Apparently they had brought their pillows and blankets from their rooms and decided to sleep together. Angel’s wing was patched up and she was sleeping on her stomach on one of the couches and Raven on the other. Boys were sleeping on the soft carpet. Alex was facing other boys and Sean was hugging Hank like he was a big teddy bear. The scene made Erik smile and he walked rest of the way to the backdoor as silent as he could.

When Erik was outside, he started running. First he didn’t think about anything else than cool morning air and ground under his feet, letting the calm take over his mind. He ran the same route he always had. It was long and Erik had plenty of time to think about everything.

Like Charles had said, killing Shaw didn’t bring him peace, no, but it gave him a little satisfaction to know that that lunatic man was finally gone. But now, with Shaw gone, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do next. Erik had spent his whole adulthood searching his revenge, and without it, he finally had new possibilities. He could do whatever he wanted. But that was the thing. He didn’t know what he wanted. Or he knew that he wanted to help other mutants, protect them from human, but he didn’t know how.

I still think about turning this plaice to a school. Charles’ words echoed in his mind. The telepath had talked about his plans while they were on their recruiting trip. Charles had always been so excited when he was babbling about all the things he had planned, it almost looked like his blue eyes were shining because of it. At first Erik had remained skeptical about younger man’s plans, but with time, they didn’t sound so impossible anymore. Maybe younger man had succeeded to infect Erik with some of his positivity. 

It would still be hard, like Charles had said. So many things had to be done before the school could open its doors and of course, there was the problem with humans. It didn’t matter how much Charles believed that they could live in peace, Erik knew better. He had seen what people could do. He didn’t want that the children or Charles would have to go through the same pain and suffering that he had.

No. Maybe the school would open in the future, but there definitely would be problems caused by humans. Charles needed someone, who would pull his head down from clouds and see the reality. And Erik wanted to be that person. He wanted to stand side by side with Charles, protecting their own kind. We make a good team Charles had said. It was true. And quite scary. So long Erik had lived on his own and in couple of weeks Charles had found his way under his skin with that bright smile, kind eyes and brilliant mind. He had showed him so much with kindness and gentleness, when before, there had only been pain and anger. 

After an hour, when Erik came back to the manor he had made his choice. He was going to stay.

As Erik walked in the kitchen to get some water, some people were having a breakfast. Janos and Azazel were reading a paper while drinking coffee. They didn’t eat anything, or maybe they had already eaten. Raven, Hank and Alex were having a conversation on the other side of the table. All of them had toast and coffee. Moira was also sitting with them, listening their talking and sipping her own coffee. She was the one who noticed Erik’s arrival.

“Good morning Erik.” She said lightly. Erik just nodded and walked to the fridge to get a water bottle.  
“You were running? Seriously man, after a day like yesterday?” Alex asked when he saw Erik’s sweaty outfit. Erik took a drink of water before answering.  
“It’s a routine.” He said and drank some more.  
“That’s just weird.” Alex said shaking his head. Erik didn’t replay, he didn’t have to explain himself to the children.

…

After a shower, Erik came back to kitchen. Sean and Angel had also found their way to breakfast and ate with other children. Erik took a cup of coffee and made himself a toast before he sat next to Moira.  
“So, what’s your plan?” Erik asked from the agent who seemed to be surprised from the question.  
“Umm, I’m not sure yet. It would be good for you to have a friend in the CIA, but if I go back they will question me. I don’t want to put any of you into danger.” Moira said and it was Erik’s turn to be surprised although he didn’t show it. He just grunted and took a sip from his cup.  
“And you?” Moira asked and Erik didn’t see any reason to lie or not to answer at all.  
“I’m planning to stay.” He said and could swear he saw Raven’s lips turn to smirk other side of the table.

…

It was already over eleven am when Charles finally showed up to the kitchen.  
“Charles! You look awful!” Raven said with a shock and Erik had to admit that his friend had seen better days. His hair was still ruffled, he looked pale and he had dark circles under his eyes.  
“And you look as beautiful as always Raven, thanks from the compliment.” The telepath said and walked to make some tea. While it was boiling he took some painkillers from a little bottle.  
“Are you alright Charles?” Moira asked after Charles had swallowed the pills.  
“Yes darling, I’m fine. Just a headache nothing to be worried about.” He said as he poured tea to a mug and sat down at the end of the table.

“Did you get any sleep?” Hank asked worried and Charles laughed a bit.  
“Not so much no. I had to make my walls stronger. When I was done I had a massive headache and didn’t get any sleep before I literally passed out.” He told and Erik looked the man with a concerned look. Others had to have same kind of expression, because soon Charles raised his hands and gave them a tired smile. “Oh, don’t look at me like that. This happened often when I was younger, there’s nothing to be worried about. I’ll get more sleep next night.” He said. Erik wasn’t convinced, but left it be, although promised himself that if Charles wouldn’t get better, he would make sure that Hank would examine him and do something to help him.

“Anyway, Azazel and Janos, what are your plans now?” Charles asked chancing the subject and men on the other side of the table shared a look before Azazel answered.  
“We keep going and check our options. Thank you for letting us stay a night.” He said with a nod and stood up. Charles smiled.  
“It was my pleasure and if you ever need a place to stay, our doors are always open.” He said and with that Azazel and Janos disappeared with a loud BAMF and a cloud of smoke that smelled like sulfur. Angel, who had sat closest to the men waved her hand under her nose.  
“They could have done that outside.”  
“Ugh… That smell…” Sean said covering his mouth and nose with his hand.  
“Don’t you dare to throw up Sean. Not in the breakfast table.” Alex said leaning away from ginger boy, who luckily could keep everything inside this time.

“Well, I have to go. The lab is still in awful shape. If I start cleaning now, maybe I can start working properly tomorrow.” Hank said and stood up.  
“I’ll help you.” Raven said and also stood up. Other kids too agreed to help and started heading to the door.  
“Before you do anything, clear your camp from the living room.” Erik grunted and the kids said they would with couple sighs.

Charles looked at him with a questioning eyebrow.  
“A camp?”  
“The children slept in the living room together.” Erik said before took a sip of his coffee. Charles nodded smiling.  
“Oh, well, that’s not so surprising when you think about it.”  
“I saw them too. They were so cute.” Moira said and Charles’ smile became wider. Erik assumed that he had gotten a mental image of the sleeping children from Moira.

They sat in comfortable silence for couple minutes, until Moira stood up.  
“Well, I have some things to do, but if it would be okay, I would like to have a word with you Charles, later today.” She said and Charles blinked at her looking like his brains were trying really hard to keep up with what had been said.  
“Umm, of course. I will be in my office.” He said a bit slowly. Moira just smiled and walked out of the door.

“You should eat something.” Erik said after a while and Charles looked at him with big eyes before let out a small laugh.  
“Thank you from your concern my friend, but I don’t think I can keep anything down right now. Maybe later.” Erik wasn’t too happy about the answer, it was almost 24 hours since Charles had eaten. But if telepath really felt that bad it wouldn’t help to force him to eat now.  
“I will hold you onto that.” The comment made Charles smile and Erik felt something warm move inside him.

“So, do you have anything planned today?” Charles asked sipping his tea.  
“No actually. Why?”  
“Just curious. I planned to start doing some research, maybe I will make a list about things that we need to do before the school opens.”

…

In the end, Erik found himself in Hank’s lab, helping others to put everything in order. With his powers he bent couple of twisted and broken devices. He found himself even enjoining the company of the children, even though now, when the threat of danger was over, they all seemed more relaxed, young and loud. And after few hours Erik excused himself saying that he would make everyone some sandwiches for lunch and escaped to the kitchen.

When the sandwiches were ready, he set them on a plate and levitated the said metallic plate on the table. He wondered if Charles had eaten already. Probably not, if he knew the man at all he had drowned himself with work.  
‘Charles?’ He thought and waited for a replay.  
‘At the front door.’ Charles’ mental voice answered as gentle and soothing as always. Erik frowned, why was Charles at the front door?

Erik walked to the door and saw Charles, sitting on the stairs and looking at the road.  
“Charles?” Erik asked and stood next to his friend, who smiled sadly, but didn’t turn his eyes of the road.  
“Moira left, she went back to CIA.” He just said. Erik let the information to sink in. If she had gone back, they might be in danger, if she accidently slipped something important.  
“That won’t be a problem. I erased her memory about all of this.” Charles said and Erik was so shocked about the fact, that Charles had used his powers like that, he forgot to be angry because the telepath had read his mind.  
“I thought that you didn’t use your powers on your friends.” Erik stated and Charles sighed.  
“She asked me to do it. I didn’t want to, but she didn’t want to take the chance.”  
“How selfless from her.”  
“I thought you would appreciate her sacrifice.”  
“I do.”

The silence fell between them and for a while they just looked at the road. Moira and Erik hadn’t been close, but for a human, she had been bearable. He didn’t really miss her, but without her, he might never had met Charles, so there was at least something to be thankful of. 

Suddenly Charles winched and turned to Erik with a frown.  
“Did you say something?” He asked and Erik looked back at him, also with frown.  
“No, I didn’t.” He said slowly and for a second Charles looked puzzled, but it quickly turned into a laugh.  
“Oh my. I think I’ll need some sleep. I’ll take a nap after I have made my list ready.” He said and rubbed his temples. Erik gave him a hand and helped shorter man up.  
“You need some food. I made some sandwiches, I bet the children will let you take some of them.” He said but Charles shook his head.   
“I really need to get that list ready. I’ll eat later.”  
“I’ll just bring some of them for you to your study then.” Erik said firmly.  
“Oh, my friend you don’t have to do that.” Charles tried to convince Erik but there was nothing he could do.  
“Yes I do, or you won’t eat at all. Even in the recruit trip I had to make sure you ate something.” He said and Charles rolled his eyes.  
“It was one time.” He said under his breath.  
“More like fifteen.”  
“Fine. Bring me food, if there is something left.” He said and Erik smirked.

…

Really, Charles should have felt annoyed of Erik’s actions. He was like a mother hen, making sure Charles ate both of the sandwiches he had made, even if it took almost an hour of sitting other side of the desk and glaring, when the telepath tried to push the plate away, when there was still food on it. Nonetheless, Charles couldn’t help but feel warm and fuzzy about his friends caring and protectiveness, which made him little embarrassed. He was not a teenager struggling with his first crush, thank you very much.

“So.” Charles said after he had finally swallowed the last piece of bread. “Have you thought about it? About staying?” He knew it wasn’t necessarily the best thing to do, to press Erik about the matter, but he didn’t know if he could work properly, worrying about the answer. Luckily Erik didn’t seem bothered of his curiosity.  
“I have. And I would be more than glad to stay.” Bright smile spread thru Charles’ face, but before he could say anything, Erik continued with a sly smile. “Besides, someone has to keep your head away from clouds.”

Charles looked at the man with stunned look.  
“I beg your pardon.”  
“Well, you know sometimes when you work you tend to forget some little things like eating and sleeping, which leads to some weird unreasonable choices-“  
“Excuse me, but I am very reasonable man.” Charles said, but couldn’t help the smile that was tugging on the corner of his lips.  
“We can get many opinions about that.” Erik stated with that annoying and (who was Charles kidding) charming smirk that made him look like a shark.  
“And I wanted you to stay…” Charles said overdramatically. Erik started to laugh and soon did also Charles. It felt good.

After a while Charles sighed and shook his head.  
“But for real, I’m really happy that you decided to stay.”   
'So am I. Maybe you can play with him later, if you know what I mean.' A voice. The same voice he had heard outside. This didn’t make any sense… It wasn’t voice of Erik or any of the children, but it still sounded familiar. But who?

“Charles? Are you alright?” Erik’s voice snapped Charles back from his thoughts. He rubbed his head and gave Erik a small smile.  
“Yes. Just wandering thoughts. Some of them sound still pretty loud with these new walls.” Erik looked dubious, but nodded.  
“And now I must keep on my research. I would be really grateful if you made sure the children don’t break anything in the lab. Or set something on fire.” Charles said and Erik stood up lifting one brow.  
“A baby sitting duty. Now I see why you wanted me to stay so much.” He said humor in his voice and Charles smiled at him.  
“Well, you’ve done so great this far.”

Erik was out of the door with a chuckle and as soon as the door closed Charles let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.  
'So you’re going to play home with him?' The voice asked and Charles winched. It sounded young, like teenager’s, but it was none of the children, Charles was sure of it. It had this playful tune in it.  
‘Who are you?’ Charles asked in his mind, but there was no replay. He coughed and tried again, aloud this time.  
“Who are you?” He whispered to the empty room and felt ridiculous, until he heard something. But not words. Laughing. 

Charles drew a sharp breath and he felt his blood run cold.   
“No…” He sighed trying to deny it and the laughing just seemed to get louder. “No, no, no, nononono! Not this… Not again!”


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a week after Cuba and things started to find their own place in everyday life in the manor. The kids still wanted to learn more about their powers and so they kept practicing. They said that the world might need the X-men again. Erik had warned Charles not to get too full of himself because of the name, Charles had just rolled his eyes. “It’s not from my name, it’s from the unknown x-gene…”

Erik helped Hank to build a new cerebro. It would be ready soon and they could start searching other mutants again. Erik had thought that Charles would be overjoyed about the news, but the telepath’s reaction had been really bland. He had just said, “oh, that’s great my friend.” with a smile and then just continued his paperwork.

Other man’s behavior had made Erik a little restless. Charles spent awfully lot of time in his study by himself. He ate only little and judging by the dark circles under his eyes, didn’t sleep enough. Sometimes they would play chess, but Erik could see his friend’s mind was completely in somewhere else, his eyes looking at the board and the pieces, without really seeing them. When asked, he would just say it was because of tiredness or because there was just so much to think about.

Erik didn’t believe him after the fourth day, which led them to arguing and shouting, all ended up with Erik storming out of the study and slamming the door behind him in rage. He even thought of packing his things and leaving for a second, but he couldn’t leave, not when something clearly was wrong with Charles.

When Charles came down for the breakfast next morning, he looked a little better, the dark circles had started to disappear and he smiled more. They didn’t talk about their fight, but it appeared that Charles wasn’t mad at him and both of them just let it be. It looked like Charles had only needed a bit of shouting to realize that he wasn’t immortal and needed some rest. Everything was fine now.

Or so he had thought.

They all sat around the table, eating a dinner. It had become a habit, to gather together and talk about how was the day and other things like that. It was like bonding time. That evening they had pasta, made by Angel and Sean. It wasn’t anything special, but good nevertheless and something that had been easy to cook.

The topic of the conversation had reached the point where the children argued about some TV-series and Erik just listened them, amused by the seriousness of their arguments.

“No way Sarah and David will end up together.” Raven said shaking her head with determination.  
“But he gave her that necklace!” Sean almost shouted.  
“I think it’s only one-sided. And in my opinion even Rick and David have more chemistry than those two.” Angel stated and Raven’s eyes flashed with excitement.  
“Oh that would be the plot twist of the year!”  
“I don’t still understand the whole necklace thing. I mean, if it was so full of power, shouldn’t it had make Sarah insane like it did with Olivia?” Hank asked with frown.  
“It’s TV, Bozo, don’t overthink it.” Alex said and Hank gave him an annoyed look.  
“Well I think-“

Erik saw with a corner of his eye, how Charles moved on his chair, next to him and he turned to look at the other man. Charles’ eyes were shut and there were deep lines on his forehead. His other hand was rubbing his temple and another was clenched to fist so hard that his knuckles were white. His breathing was shaky. Erik went immediately in high alert mode.

“Charles?” He asked, concern loud in his voice, as he reached for the man. He didn’t even touch the telepath when his eyes snapped open.  
“Oh for god’s sake just shut up!” He shouted and hit the table with his palm, and like that, everyone fell silent, looking at Charles with shock. Only thing that could be heard was the man’s heavy breathing.

Erik tried to say something, but was horrified to notice that he couldn’t, he tried to speak but nothing came out of his mouth! Charles turned to look at him with frown, but it quickly turned into terror. He stood up so fast that the chair fell and the sound of it echoed unnaturally loud in otherwise silent manor.

“I’m-“Charles began with a weak voice and swallowed, looking at others, shaking like a leaf. “I’m so sorry. I- I need some rest. I- I’m sorry.” And with that he ran out of the room, they could hear him climb up the stairs and slam a door shut. 

No one moved, they were all too stunned for that.

“What just happened?” Sean’s silent voice broke the silence.  
“Did he just… use his powers on us?” Angel asked with accusing voice. None of them knew what to think about that. This was first time Charles had lost his patience.

“I don’t think he did it on purpose.” Hank said with a frown and got everyone’s attention. ”I mean, he looked really shocked, even terrified when he noticed what he had done.”  
“I don’t believe that either, but hell, he has been acting weirdly all this week.” Alex said and all of them could agree with that.

“He has been avoiding us, telling that he has to do some research and paperwork. He did the same in college, when he wanted to be alone.” Raven stated biting her lip.  
“He looks really tired, doesn’t eat enough and it’s like his mind is completely somewhere else.” Erik told his own observations and was relieved to notice that he wasn’t only one who had noted Charles’ odd behavior.  
“I was talking to him yesterday and he kept looking behind me, like there was someone there, but we were only ones on the corridor.” Hank told.  
“I- I heard him shouting, like arguing, in his study, but there was no one else in there when I went in. I asked about it and he told me that the paperwork was just making him crazy.” Sean’s comment made everyone silent again.

Erik felt cold despite the warmth of the kitchen.  
“Well. It is clear that there is something wrong. Charles is just too stubborn to admit it.” He said, feeling an anger rise its head. Why was that man so stupid?  
“Should we ask him about this?” Angel asked but Raven shook her head.  
“If we try to force him to talk now he just shields himself and we won’t get a word from him. No, we should wait. At least to the morning when he is calmed down.” She said and even if someone wanted to argue they all knew, that Raven knew Charles the best. But even if Erik trusted Raven with this plan, he didn’t have to like it.

Erik looked at a place beside him, where Charles just had sat. His plate was still almost full.

…

Charles was laying on his bed and stared at the sealing in the dark. It was already past 2am, he felt so exhausted and everybody else was already sleeping silently in their own beds. Though, for Charles, the manor was all but silent. He heard laughing, crying, singing, screaming and other noises which sources he didn’t even want to guess. Well, there was no real sources because they were all in his head, just like all those shadows, shapes and things that left bloodstains on the floors and walls.

'Why won’t you come to play with us Charley?' Voice beside his bed asked with a raspy voice and snickered. Charles just ignored it and pressed the bruise on his upper arm so hard that it hurt, but just like before, it didn’t help.

All of this was worse than last time. Charles felt himself stupid for thinking that this all would be over soon, just because it had last time. He hadn’t wanted to start hurting himself again, he had thought, that just by ignoring the hallucinations he would be fine. But he had been wrong, they had only became stronger. 

When Erik started questioning his health Charles had panicked. After their fight, he had hit his other arm with a heavy paperweight, until it had a bruise and hallucinations had gone away. It had helped for some time and when the voices came back he just gripped the bruise and the pain would take them away. But not anymore. If he wanted them to disappear, he would have to do something more painful. Still he knew, that it would only be a short-term solution. Only thing he could do now was to try to get some sleep and carry on. Maybe it would get better next morning. Charles knew he was lying to himself, but closed his eyes. Just a bit of sleep, that was all he asked for.

'You can’t escape the madness.' The young voice sang close to his ear, mocking him and Charles tried to make himself as small as he could. They were not real, they were not real, theywerenotreal! 

There was a howl of pain somewhere far away and then a smell of chemicals, blood and rotten flesh filled his nose. Charles’ eyes snapped open and he jumped out of his bed while the creatures laughed at him. He couldn’t take this anymore!

…

Erik woke up, feeling terror rising inside him. He scanned the room for intruders and the knife he kept on his nightstand was hovering in the air, ready to kill if needed. But the room was empty and Erik put the knife down with a frown. He took a deep breath trying to calm down his racing hearth. Why did he woke up, he hadn’t even had a nightmare.

The feeling of panic didn’t go away and it was then that Erik understood, that this wasn’t his own panic. Charles! Erik threw himself out of the bed and stormed to the corridor. He ran to his friends door, opened the lock with his powers and threw the door open.

The room was dark and no one was there, but the door to the bathroom was open and there was a light on. When Erik reached the door his hearth skipped a beat. There was Charles, sitting on the tile floor, leaning on the wall, blood on his leg and hands, sobbing quietly.

“Charles!” Erik rushed to his friend’s side and put his hands on smaller man’s shoulders. Charles looked up with red rimmed, fearful eyes.  
“Erik…” Charles whispered and bowed his head back down. Erik scanned his friend for the injuries, he had a deep cut just above his right knee, and only then Erik noticed a bloody razor blade, laying on the floor next to Charles. He looked at it with a confusion, until it turned to anger. His hold of Charles’ shoulders got harder and the smaller man let out a quiet whimper.

“What the fuck Charles?” He snarled between his teeth, but other man kept his head down and tried to back away. Erik was losing his temper and took hold of Charles’ head with both hands and forced him to look up.  
“Verdammt Charles! What were you thinking?!” He shouted and Charles took a shaky breath.  
“It’s not what you think…” He said with broken voice.  
“Then what is it exactly, Charles? How do you explain this?!” Erik shouted and held the razor in the air with his powers. Some blood was still dripping from it.  
“I just- I couldn’t take it anymore. I just wanted to sleep.” He said closing his eyes and started sobbing.   
“And hurting yourself will help you with that!?” Erik didn’t understand, there was no logic in this, but Charles just nodded, keeping his eyes shut.

Erik could still feel his anger, but seeing his friend like this, shaky and broken, it made his heart ache.  
“You stupid man.” He said and stroked Charles’ hair to sooth him down. Slowly telepath’s breathing eased and Erik helped him to sit up on the toilet seat.  
“Let’s take care of your leg.” He said and took the first aid kit from the shelf and kneeled in front of the other man.

Charles sat quietly as Erik moved the fabric of man’s pajama pants out of the way so he could see the wound better, it needed stiches.  
“Charles, please, tell me what’s wrong. Why did you do this?” Erik asked and tried to keep anger away of his voice, getting mad wouldn’t help right now, it might even make things worse, so he just concentrated to clean up the wound.  
“I told you, I wanted to sleep.”  
“I still can’t see, how cutting yourself, will help with that. And you also said that you couldn’t take it anymore. What exactly is it?” Charles didn’t replay immediately, but Erik saw that the man was thinking very hard of something. When Erik was satisfied with the wound he took the needle and prepared it.

“It’s a long story.” Charles said eventually and took a sharp breath when the needle went through his skin.  
“We have all night.” Erik stated as he kept stitching the wound. Charles swallowed and sighed before he began to talk.

“I’ve been able to hear other people’s thoughts as long as I can remember. I never really tried to hide it. First my parents thought it was just a small child’s imagination, but as I grew up and the voices became even clearer, they knew that there was something wrong with me.”

“After my father died my mother called to a psychiatrist and he interviewed me. I told him everything, that I could hear voices in my head, if you think I am naïve now, you should have seen me then. I didn’t believe that something bad would happen.”

“I don’t blame them. They didn’t know about mutants, even nowadays, the most of the world doesn’t know about us. They did what they thought was good for me. They send me to a mental asylum, I was seven years old.” 

Erik lifted his eyes up from the wound he had been stitching and looked at Charles with surprise. He hadn’t had any idea of this. Charles just gave him a sad smile before he continued.

“Well, it isn’t very good idea to put a still growing telepath to live in a same building with people who have mental disorders. Immediately when I stepped to that place I knew something was not right. The air felt heavy and the minds of some of the patient’s felt… wrong, twisted, broken? I just wanted to get out of there. But after couple more interviews they started to treat me as a schizophrenic.”

“After a couple of months I started to hear other voices, voices that were different from the ones I could hear before. These sometimes even spoke directly to me. They said things I didn’t want to hear, they mocked me and laughed at me, I was terrified. And it didn’t end there.”

“Within a year it became worse. I started to see things, shadows, blood, shapes, corpses, sometimes even people that were not really there. Usually they just stared at me or just moved around the asylum ignoring me, but sometimes they also talked… They never were friendly. The smells came next and were followed soon by taste. I was nine then.”

Charles took a couple of deep breaths as Erik started to swipe blood off of his leg with a wet towel. He wanted to say something, wanted to make those people pay because what wrongness they had done to Charles, only because they didn’t understand his wonderful gift. But he stayed silent. He didn’t want that Charles would shy away now that he had finally started to open up.

“The treatments didn’t really help. They were not made for a telepath whose mind was misshapen by outer forces. The worst were the days when they tied me up to my bed, when I was trapped, without any chance to escape from the monsters, only thing I could do was to close my eyes and keep telling myself that they weren’t real.”

“It was when they tried electric shock treatment that something happened, the hallucinations disappeared. I was so relieved, I thought I could finally go back home, but after a couple days, the voices came back. They kept using the shock treatment, but every time the voices came back earlier than last time.”

“I found the connection one day after a meal. As I was walking through the canteen, I hit my side accidently on the corner of a table and the hallucinations disappeared. It was the pain. The feeling of pain was strong enough to drive the hallucinations away, or just make my mind realize what was real.”

“Soon after that, I discovered the difference between the voices I had always heard and the voices that had started in the asylum. I learned that I could read minds, and not only read them, but also control them, it was also the day doctors told me that they wanted to do a lobotomy to me.”

Erik was sure his eyes had just enlarged ridiculously. He had heard about that surgery and only the thought that someone would touch Charles’ brains was terrifying.

“I knew that they had done that to a one girl earlier, and I hadn’t seen her sense. I didn’t want to disappear like her, so I said no, with all power I had. And they agreed. Just like that and after a couple of trying’s, I finally managed to make the doctor to call my mother and let me go. I don’t even want to know how much damage I made to his mind while doing so, but I was a kid and just wanted to go home.”

“I was ten when I was released, my mother had married a man named Kurt Marko and I had a stepbrother, Cain. None of them was thrilled having me back, for them, I was always the crazy one, but I didn’t’ care. I was too happy to get out of that place. The hallucinations disappeared within a week and life was normal again.”

“Until now.” Erik said quietly stroking gently other man’s knee with his thump. He finally understood why Charles had been acting so oddly.

“Until now. They’ve come back. I thought that if I just let them be, they would just go away, like last time. I was wrong. They’ve become stronger every day and even pain doesn’t keep them away more than couple of hours. Tonight it was the smells. I just- I panicked, I just wanted it to end.” Charles’ voice broke with a sob and Erik stood up and wrapped his arms around smaller frame, holding it against his chest.

“Charles, why didn’t you tell us? We could have helped.” Erik asked and didn’t know how to feel, there was too many emotions inside him. He was angry because Charles’ stupidity, he was concerned of his health, he was shocked to hear of his past and he was relieved that he had finally told what was wrong.

Charles let out a humorless laugh, almost hysterical.  
“It’s not easy to tell your family that you’re going crazy, that you’re losing your mind.” He said to Erik’s chest.

“Charles, you’re not alone.” Erik said gently and drew back so they could see each other. “You never have to be alone again. We will fix this. There’s nothing you should be ashamed of.” Charles smiled at him, it was a small smile, but real.

“Okay.” He said and took a shaky breath. “You’re right, I need help. But could we wait until tomorrow? I’m really tired and now I think I could even sleep. The hallucinations should be staying away at least three hours, four if I’m lucky.” Erik nodded.  
“All right, let’s get you to bed.” He said and lifted Charles up bridal style.

“Erik what are you doing? I can walk!” Charles shouted and tried to get away from Erik’s hold, but he had no chance against Erik’s strong arms. Erik just laughed inside to now blushing telepath, but outside, the corner of his lips twisted just a bit.   
“Stop it. I don’t want you to break your stitches.” He said and walked across the room and laid the other man on the bed carefully.

“Do you need something?” Erik asked as he pulled the covers over Charles.  
“No thank you, my friend, you’ve done more than enough.” He said avoiding other man’s eyes and Erik nodded, stroking that brunet hair one more time.  
“Just call me if you need anything.” He said and got a yawn for an answer.

“Good night, Erik.” He heard a small voice when he was at the door.  
“Good night, Charles.” He said before he closed the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think next chapter will be ready on next week. The raiting might go up, but I'm not sure yet.  
> Again, please tell me what you think. I really hope that you have enjoyed this far.
> 
> And yeah, I've got some inspiration from supernatural and Fran Bow. You might have guessed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for comments and kudos! It's so nice to see that people actually read this ^///^
> 
> So I decided to change the rating to M, because I'm paranoid. WARNING! This chapter contains some horror and blood and can make some people uncomfortable. (Maybe, I don't know, but you have been warned.)

Hank had woken up early that day and was in his lab, making a new chest plate to Alex as he had promised few days ago. He was so caught in his work that he didn’t even notice Charles when he entered the room.

“Good morning Hank.” He jumped a little when the telepath greeted him, but recovered quite quickly.  
“Good morning professor. Umm, is everything all right? We were worried about you, after what happened last night at the dinner.” Hank said while rubbing his neck, he didn’t know if it was his place to ask, but he wanted to help.

Charles took a deep breath.  
“Actually, that’s the reason I came to see you.” He said moving his hands over his chest. Hank was surprised of the answer, he had expected something like “Oh, I’m fine. Don’t worry.” or “I was just really tired.”

“I’ll do anything I can to help. So, what is the problem?” He asked, curious to know what was wrong and determined to help.  
“Could we sit down? This might take a while.” Charles asked and Hank was already moving piles of papers and books off of the chairs he had down there.  
“Of course. Here, have a seat.” He said and Charles sat down on the wooden chair and Hank took a seat opposite of him. Charles took another deep breath before he started to talk.

He told Hank everything he had told to Erik. It felt a little easier this time, maybe because he had already done it one time, or maybe because he wasn’t near to get a panic attack. Hank was also a good listener, he didn’t interrupt and unlike Erik, who had projected disbelief, anger and worry, his mind projected scientific calmness, interest and worry.

Hank leaned backwards when Charles stopped talking, still keeping his eyes on the telepath.  
“Have you any idea why they have come back? Is it because your mental walls became weaker?” Hank asked and Charles moved on his seat restlessly.  
“Yes, um, I lied about that. My walls didn’t just become weaker that day, they were destroyed completely. These walls I have now are entirely new.” He confessed biting his lip.

“Destroyed completely? I am not an expert, but for that, you would need awfully lot of power. What happened?” Hank asked with a frown and with concern in his eyes.  
‘Do you really want to tell him? Don’t you remember what happened last time you told the truth?’ Charles ignored the voice that was whispering to him. He knew, that if he wanted this to stop, he needed to tell everything, even the slightest detail could be important. And he could trust Hank, he could really help.

“I was in Shaw’s head when Erik killed him by pushing a coin through his skull. I felt every second of it. I guess it was the shock and pain that made my walls shatter.” Hank took a sharp breath between his teeth.  
“That had to hurt. Umm, could you hop to examination table? I would like to run a couple tests.” Hank asked and started to collect different equipment around the lab.

Charles did as requested and sat to the table. Hank noticed that the telepath was limping slightly.  
“Are you hurt?” He asked and Charles smiled at him sadly.  
“You remember when I told you, that pain made the hallucinations go away?” He didn’t need to say more, Hank connected the dots easily.  
“Let me see. I don’t want you to get an infection.” Hank walked to him and Charles just nodded, lifting the fabric of his right trouser leg.

Hank was surprised to see, that the wound was stitched.  
“Did you-“He started but Charles shook his head.  
“Oh god no. Erik did. He had woken up when I had accidentally projected my distress.” Charles felt heat rising to his cheeks, it sounded so sappy, but fortunately Hank didn’t seem to notice.  
“Well, at least he seemed to know what he was doing, these are really good stitches.” Hanks face turned into frown and he looked up to Charles. “So, does he know about this?”

Charles nodded.  
“Yes. I told him the whole story while he was working on my wound.” He didn’t mention that Erik had also calmed him down by stroking his hair and knee and holding him in an embrace, though the memory of those things made Charles’ stomach twist in a pleasant way.  
“Also the reason for it?” Hank asked and Charles bit his lip.  
“No, and he doesn’t need to know, I don’t blame him.” Hank looked at him for a while, but nodded.  
“Well, let’s start the tests then, shall we.”

…

Charles told about his state to others on the breakfast. It wasn’t a surprise that they listened him with shock, confusion and worry, all clear on their faces.

It was surprise though, that they didn’t interrupt him and when he had finished, no one said a word for a while. Charles studied them, waiting the information to sink in. Raven didn’t meet his eyes and her hands were clenched into fists, Angel looked at him, like trying to find something different in his appearance. Alex sat stiffly on his chair and seemed uncomfortable and Sean looked totally confused.

“So, you’re going nuts?” Sean asked carefully, which made everyone look at him and Alex hit him back of his head.  
“Sean!” Raven shouted sharply, but Charles just gave it a laugh, not caring of others’ annoyance, anger or shock. Sean’s clumsy honesty was something welcome right now.

“Well, you’re not wrong, but hopefully we will find a way to stop it, before I lose it for good.” He said with a sad smile and ignored the mocking laugh that wasn’t really there.  
“Hank?” He and others turned their eyes to the scientist, waiting for him to tell more about the situation.

“Yes, umm, there might be a way. I’ve made a hypothesis from what Charles has told me and from some tests I made earlier. It seems, that this distortion in his mind takes its “energy” from Charles powers. It formed when Charles’ still growing powers and brain were forced to be in long contact with mentally ill people. When Charles got out of that place and his powers kept growing in mentally better environment, it fixed the distortion because damage wasn’t too deep yet.”

“But if it was fixed, how it came back now?” Alex asked and Hank turned his eyes on Charles, followed by everybody else.

“My mental walls got really weak on the beach. Without a proper defense, all those minds stressed my own to the point I couldn’t focus anymore. Apparently, when I hastily made new walls, I kind of opened the old wound. It’s ironic, I twisted my own brain, because I was in a hurry to fix it.”

“Charles, don’t you dare to start that. This is not your fault.” Raven said firmly and Charles shook his head.  
“Things like this are hardly ever one’s own fault. It is just consequence of many unfortunate details.” He said, looking at the table.

Hank cleared his throat before he started talking again.  
“Yes, and because professor’s powers are not growing anymore, at least not without a large amount of practice, his brain is not going to fix itself on its own this time. And, I assume that using your powers will only make it worse faster.”

“So, what’s the cure? You said that there is one.” Erik asked looking at Hank with so serious look that it made blue furred man move nervously.

“Well, it is a theory. Because this distortion grows from Charles’ powers, it would only be logical that we prevent his telepathy, temporarily of course, and the cause of these hallucinations should, how should I say this, pine away. I’m pretty sure I can make my serum to work for this, I just need a week or two-“

“What?!” Erik shouted, looking angrily at Hank and then Charles. “You’re serious about this?” It had taken a moment to realize what Hank had suggested. He understood that Charles’ state was bad, but this? Sacrificing his powers?

Others flinched Erik’s outburst, but Charles just sighed, looking tired.  
“I assume that it is my choice, and like Hank said, it’s only temporary.”  
“So you’re just going to play a lab rat? Again.”  
“It’s not something I really look forward to do, but I want to get better. I don’t see any better options and I have faith in Hank.” Charles’ voice started to rise, but Erik didn’t back away.  
“Yes, because last time his serum worked just like he had planned, right.” He said, voice cold and everyone seemed to take a sharp breath. Hank looked away, ashamed.

Charles looked at the older man, first with disbelief then with defiance.  
“As I said, I have complete faith in Hank and I’m sure, that he will find out the formula. And I don’t care, whether you like this or not, because I’ve already decided to do this.”  
‘Maybe you’re just a masochist like that.’ A bored sounding voice stated and made Charles took a deep breath. They all could see all metallic items shaking from Erik’s anger, but Charles kept the eye contact without even blinking.

Finally, Erik gave up and moved his gaze to the table. Items stopped shaking, but Charles knew, that this wasn’t over yet. He didn’t like how all unpleasant things, that he and Erik had to talk about, just kept piling up. He really didn’t look forward to have those conversations…

In the end, it was Angel, who broke the silence.  
“So, what can we do?” She asked firmly and Charles looked at her, taken aback. He almost had forgotten where he was.  
“Yeah, there must be something we can do to help.” Sean agreed with Angel and a small smile made its way on telepath’s lips.

“Well, not much really… Professor, you should use your powers as little as possible, it might slow down progression of the hallucinations. We can help by not reaching to you mentally and just being here if you need us. And…” Hank paused, looking a bit hesitant. “You shouldn’t hurt yourself anymore. From what you have told, it seems, that the hallucinations come back faster every time. If it escalates, I’m not sure if your mind can take that.”

‘Oh! I like this!’ A voice said like it had just eaten something really sweet. It made Charles to swallow. Pain had been only thing that had made him to stay sane, all those years ago. He wasn’t sure, how long he could take this without some clear moments.

“I’ll try.” He said, because that was the best he could do.

“Okay then. I don’t think that there’s anything else to tell. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the lab. Sooner I get the serum right, the better.” Hank said and stood up.  
“Umm, Hank, how long do you think that will take?” Charles asked, man had said something about two weeks, but he wanted to be sure. Hank stopped walking and turned around, rubbing his neck.  
“It really depends if I get breakthroughs. If we are lucky a week or so, but if we are not, then three.”

Charles worried his lip. He wouldn’t survive three weeks, he wasn’t sure he could make it through two.  
“Then, let’s hope you make breakthroughs.” He said with visibly forced smile.

‘What’s the matter, dear? Don’t you like our company?’

…

The children weren’t as relaxed as they used to be around Charles, which was expected, but he could see, that they put an effort to it.

Alex, Angel and Sean asked him to help with their training. Alex told him, that they had started to practice accuracy. They had made a shooting range to the back yard from empty bottles and junk they had found from the attic.  
“Raven said it was okay.” Sean reassured quickly and Charles said, that it was fine, there was only few things that had any sentimental value to him, and Raven knew it.

It felt good to be outside of the manor again, teaching and helping others. He had really missed it and it kept his mind away from the voices. He felt himself relax for the first time in a week and the children could notice his usual excitement coming back, when he talked about Angel’s acid spit with her.

They spend a couple hours practicing and Charles moved closer to the house, watching them further away. He was so proud of them all.  
‘I wonder how good Darwin would be by this point.’ A cheerful voice said and Charles tried to ignore it, focusing how many bottles Sean could break this time.  
‘Well, we will never know, because Charles here couldn’t keep him safe. Just like he can’t keep others either.’ Another voice, mocking and blaming, said. Charles’ hands were clenching into fists in his pockets. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, don’t listen to them, you can do this.

The voices kept mocking him and under them, he could hear other voices, the children, Erik, shouting his name in pain and fear.

“Charles? Charles, are you with me?” His eyes snapped open when he heard Ravens voice, real voice, beside him. He looked at her sister and then to the shooting range where Sean still tried to break the two last bottles one at a time. No one else noticed his absence. Good.

Raven looked at his brother with concern, she guessed she had had a perfect timing to show up. When Charles turned back to her she handed him a glass of lemonade she had brought. He looked at it for a while, until took it, thanking her.

“You didn’t tell me before.” She said, there was no blame in her voice, but Charles could see that she was upset. He took a gulp of his cold lemonade, before he answered.  
“It was in the past, you didn’t have to know and I didn’t want to think about it.” They were both looking at the shooting range now.  
“Were you ever going to tell me?” She asked, taking a sip of her own lemonade.  
“Truthfully speaking? I don’t think so, no.”  
“Even if it would have made me see your point before?” She said and Charles looked at him with a frown.

Raven let a small sigh.  
“You always wanted to keep my powers secret, it started to feel that you were too overprotective, that you were keeping me in a cage. While I’m pretty sure I would have shouted to you anyway, it would have helped to see your reasoning.”

Charles didn’t answer, he didn’t know how. In a corner of his eye, he could see how his vision started to ripple. First sign of the optical hallucinations.

Raven put her hand on his shoulder, which made him turn his head back to her and their eyes met.  
“Charles, I’ve always thought that you have some sort of a hero complex. You see others’ problems as they were your own and I’m sure that your telepathy doesn’t help with that. You always want to help, but you tend to forget, that it goes both ways. You help us and we help you. And don’t give me that “I don’t want to be a burden” crap, because do you think us as a burden when we ask your help?” Charles smiled a little and shook his head. “See, so when you need us, just ask. We are not all telepaths here you know.” She said with a smirk and Charles felt warm inside.

He put his arm around her shoulders and leaned his head against her own.  
“When did you become a psychologist?” He asked closing his eyes, what had he done to deserve so brilliant sister?  
“Hmm, I’m just good with people with thick heads like you.” She said and he couldn’t do anything but laugh.

When Charles opened his eyes again, he saw a shadow, standing a few feet away from them. Its white eyes stared at them, and slowly its mouth turned into an ugly smirk. Raven felt how his body stiffed and she stroked his arm.  
“Don’t worry, Hank knows, what he is doing.” She said and Charles took a deep breath before moved a little so they could see each other again.  
“I know. I trust him.”  
“Unlike Erik.” Raven stated and Charles could hear coldness in her voice.

“He will come to terms with it sooner or later. Speaking of Erik, do you know where he is?”  
“Last time I saw him he was heading to the gym.” Charles just nodded to that.  
“Are you going to talk to him?” Raven asked and he let out a sigh.  
“If his up to it. But knowing him, it’s better to let him calm down before I try anything.”

…

Erik had battered the punching bag for an hour or so and didn’t feel any better. He had hoped that physical exercise would help him to clear his head, that he could just beat the feelings out of him. But of course it didn’t help. He needed to think if he wanted to unravel this mess in his head.

He was angry, it was a place to start. This wasn’t just normal anger though, this had a bad flavor in it. He knew the anger that came from pain and the cold rage of revenge, but this was neither of those. This was why his mind was a mess right now. Why was he angry? Because of Charles, because of Hank? No, not directly. Because of their plan? Definitely.

Then, what was with that plan that made him so angry? The idea of one sacrificing his powers? It might be, the powers were something that should be cherished, not something to throw away. But it would be just temporary and it was to help Charles, so no, not that.

Was it that they didn’t have considered any other options? Not likely. Actually Erik was pretty sure, that Hank and Charles had sifted through other options before deciding. And even if there was other option, how long it would take to find one? How long Charles could take it, before he would break? Just like last night…

And like that, it became clear. Erik stopped hitting the punching bag and breathed heavily. He was afraid. There was a risk in this plan and no way of knowing that it would be safe. Hank’s serum had backfired once already, it could do it again. If that happened, Charles could get seriously hurt. Or worse…

…

_The hallway was long and dimly lit. The shadows moved close the walls, some laughing and some crying. The tile floor felt cold under his bare feet. He tried to struggle, but hands on his arms were big and strong and kept pushing him forward. They were approaching the door._

_“No! Please let me go! Please!” He tried to plead, but the dark figures just kept walking, dragging him along._   
_“It’s just a warm bath. It makes you relax.” One of them said with bored voice. The door opened and Charles felt his blood run cold._

_The room had only one light source, a ceiling lamp, which was in the middle of the room. It casted yellowish light, but not enough to reveal the walls that were somewhere in the darkness. In the middle of the room, just under the light of the lamp, was a bathtub. A bathtub full of blood._

_The smell of iron hit Charles’ nose and made him feel sick. He tried to struggle more, but his legs were slippery on the bloody floor._   
_“No! Please, no! I’ll do anything! Please, don’t do this!” He felt tears falling to his cheeks when they got closer and closer to the tub. Why did they do this?_   
_“Oh for heaven’s sake, it’s just water.” Other figure said and started to take Charles’ cloths off._

_There was no way out, other hands were still holding him and his cries had become quiet whimpers._   
_“Please.” He said, voice cracking, but soon the hands lifted him up and put him in the tub._

_The feeling of still warm blood made him to trash again, he tried to climb up, but the hands were holding him down. He started screaming and got some blood in his mouth, the metallic taste making his stomach turn._

_He felt hazy, his limbs became heavy and he took shaky breaths between his sobs. He could hear the shadows, laughing at him, mocking him._

_Suddenly, the blood began to ripple. Charles looked with horror as a pale child rose from the blood. Its dark, damp hair was sticking to its head and face, and there, where should have been its eyes, were just two black holes. Its breathing was heavy and it looked straight at horrified Charles._   
_“Help… me…” It said, voice raspy, and tried to touch him with its bony hand._

_Charles screamed._

And like that, everything was dark, there was no hands holding him, no smell of blood or sight of the pale child. Charles’ breathing was ragged as he sat up and he swept his sweaty hair off of his face. He was safe, he was home, in his bed. He was safe… He repeated the mantra and tried to take deep breaths.

‘Oh, did little Charley have a nightmare? Do you need a teddy bear?’ a voice asked and laughed, making Charles only irritated, didn’t they have anything original to say? He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, still little shaken. Those treatments were the reason he hadn’t taken baths for five years after he got out.

Charles could hear gurgling and splashing somewhere, and then there was movement at the end of his bed. He turned his head and winced. The child from his nightmare was standing there, looking at him and dripping blood to the bedroom floor. It didn’t move though, it just stood there, its breath wheezing. It had same gray outfit that Charles and other children had used in the mental asylum.

Charles looked down and saw his hand just above the wound on his leg. He hadn’t even noticed that he had moved it. He glanced at the child, it would go away, only thing he needed to do was squeeze and it would disappear.

But something made him move his hand away, if he really had only limited amount of opportunities to make them go away, he wanted to use them when it was worse. Right now, he could already breathe almost normally and the smells hadn’t return yet. He had time.

Although, he knew that he wouldn’t be sleeping this night anymore. He didn’t even know what time it was. Maybe he could go to his study and lose himself in one of his books. With that plan he stepped out of the bed and in to the hallway.

It was still dark outside, no way of knowing if it was late or early. The manor was once again filled with different noises, but Charles had already started to become immune to them. He was just about to turn towards the study, when he saw a light that was shining under one of the doors further away. Erik’s room. Was he still awake? Or was it already awake? Or maybe it was just hallucination.

Charles stood there for a moment, until he walked to the door. Should he knock? Erik hadn’t been eager to talk before, so Charles had left him be. Would he be annoyed if Charles disturbed him in the middle of the night? Well, at least he was awake, and he could just tell Charles to go away, if he didn’t want him there.

So he knocked the door, the sound loud in his ears, but in reality it was so weak that Erik didn’t almost hear it. Charles could hear footsteps from other side of the door, too late to turn back now. The door opened and the light from the room made him squint.

“Charles? Is everything alright?” Erik asked with a frown, concern in his voice. His eyes scanned the smaller man to see if there was something he could detect. Charles’ appearance seemed nervous, he was hugging himself and the smile he gave was nothing but a shadow of his usual bright one.

“Erik, hi. I’m fine, I just saw that you still had a light on and thought that, umm…” He didn’t end his sentence but looked quickly away to the hallway like he had heard something. Maybe he had. He stared at the empty hall, holding his breath, but soon shook his head and turned back to Erik looking embarrassed.

“Sorry.” He said, not meeting Erik’s eyes.  
“Don’t apologize. Would you want to come in?” He asked, stepping aside so he didn’t block the door. Charles nodded and walked in to the room.  
“Thank you.”

Erik closed the door and then followed Charles, who had taken a seat on the one of the two armchairs there were in the room. Erik sat down on the chair opposite him and Charles couldn’t help but notice how man’s tank top didn’t leave much to the imagination. Focus Charles, this is not a time for this, even if the view is pleasing.

Luckily Erik broke the silence.  
“So, you couldn’t sleep?” He asked and Charles got something else to think.  
“No, not anymore. What time is it anyway?” Erik didn’t need to look, he just reached to his watch with his powers and felt its arms.  
“It’s almost half past one.” Charles sighed and dropped his head at the back of the armchair.  
“Two hours of sleep, more or less. Not very good score. And you? You’re still awake.”  
“A lot to think about.” Erik stated and Charles just nodded, lifting his legs on to the chair, hugging them. It made him look like a child, but he didn’t care. The staring shadow at the window made him feel uncomfortable.

“Something specific in your mind?” He asked, trying to keep the conversation up. Erik looked at him for a moment, hesitant. Charles didn’t push, if he didn’t want to talk about it, then they could speak about something else.  
“I don’t like this plan.” He said clumsily, like the words had escaped from his mouth without his permission. The statement made Charles to pinch the bridge of is nose.

“Erik…” He said tiredly, from all the times, this was not one he really wanted to have this argument.  
“No, let me finish.” Erik interrupted and Charles let him. “I don’t like this plan. It makes me feel useless, that I can do nothing to help and I hate it. I hate that there is nothing I can do, that I can only sit and watch while you get hurt.”

Charles didn’t know what to say. Erik’s outburst had taken him by surprise and even if man’s voice wasn’t loud, it was heavy. Erik took a steadying breath and continued.  
“So, even if this probably is the best option of the worst options, I hate it. This makes me feel like a child again, when I couldn’t save my mother.” Erik ran his hands through his hair, looking lost. Charles wanted to kick himself, he was supposed to be good with people and he hadn’t seen this.

He leaned forward and put his hand on Erik’s knee, looking into those grayish green eyes.  
“But my friend, you do help.” He said, meaning every word, but Erik looked at him with doubt.  
“How?”  
“You were there for me when I broke down last night, you made me go to Hank to get help, and you are here now, keeping me company in the middle of the night. You don’t even realize how much you help right now. I’ve noticed that the presence of another active mind helps me to remember what is real, that’s why the nights are the worst.”

Erik frowned to that.  
“I thought you were supposed to not use your powers.” Charles lifted an eyebrow.  
“And you can decide not to feel all the metal around you? It’s something you don’t turn on and off. For me, feeling a presence of another mind is one of the two senses the hallucinations can’t corrupt.” Unfortunately, that hadn’t helped in mental asylum.

“So, what’s the other one?” Erik asked, looking puzzled. The question made Charles swallow.  
“Touch.” He said quietly and Erik’s eyes dropped to his knee, where Charles’ hand still rested and moved his own hand on top of it, stroking it with his thumb. When he looked up, he saw that there was a slight blush on Charles’ face and his worried lips were slightly open.

He wanted to kiss those lips, he wanted to hold Charles close and never let go. But something made him hold back. Would he take an advantage of Charles when he was like this? When the man needed contact with another person just to feel safe.

In the end, he didn’t need to make that decision, it was Charles who leaned forward and made their lips meet. The kiss was quick and shy, and before Erik could even react, it was over. He stared dumbfounded at Charles who didn’t meet his eyes and was blushing harder.

“I- I’m sorry. I was just-“. He tried to explain and started to pull away, but Erik gripped him by his wrist and brought his other hand to Charles’ cheek. It made Charles look up, uncertainty and hope in his eyes.  
“Don’t apologize.” Erik said and pulled Charles to his lap. The kiss was slower this time and when they finally broke apart, they were both smiling, holding each other close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure when I am able to update, maby next week or week after that.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed and let me know if there was huge mistakes so I can fix them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally it's here! I'm so sorry it took so long, but I was busier than I thought I would be and when I opened my laptop to write... just nothing. Sometimes I struggled to get even few sentences to paper and I had to rewrite one scene because it was so terrible. Sometimes I knew how I wanted the sentence go, but I couldn't remember the words or sayings in English or in Finnish. Sigh... So if this chapter feels little faltering, it's because of those things.
> 
> But thank you from your patience, comments and kudos. You gave me power to keep writing n_n

Morning light made its way through a gap between the curtains, waking Erik slowly up. He was surprised to feel something, no, someone, in his arms. He opened his eyes with a frown to find out who was in bed with him. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Charles, facing him, tugged close to his chest, still sleeping.

 

Like that, last night came back to him. How their kissing had made Charles relaxed enough to start nodding off. He had tried to go back to his own room, but hadn’t protested when Erik had tugged him into bed with him instead, actually, the telepath had looked almost relieved. Erik hadn’t liked the idea of Charles being alone again, trying to fight against the illusions his mind created.

 

Right now, Charles looked peaceful, there were no signs of distress across his face and his breaths were steady, but there still were fading circles under his eyes. Erik guessed that this was the first time Charles had gotten proper sleep in weeks. First the stress of the mission in Cuba and now this.

 

Erik stroked smaller man’s back gently and turned his head so he could see what time it was.  Quarter past seven, usually he would go running, but he didn’t want to leave Charles alone, in case he woke up while he was gone. Erik wanted to be there for Charles, to help him.

 

Then, the doubt hit him. What if Charles didn’t want him there? What if he saw the last night as a mistake and would run away? Erik tried to be reasonable, Charles had kissed him, he had smiled and let Erik hold him close. He wouldn’t have done that, if he didn’t have any feelings towards him, right? Or maybe Erik just had been available when he needed some distraction and there was nothing more to it. Erik wanted to laugh at the realization that he would still give it to Charles, even if it hurt his own heart to know that he wouldn’t get anything back. When had this happened?

 

Suddenly, Charles moved in his arms and Erik went stiff. Had Charles woken up? Erik hold his breath and looked at the man in his arms, waiting to see him open his eyes. But instead, Charles just snuggled even closer to Erik, small smile tugging on his lips. Erik released the breath and blinked several times at the man, feeling warm inside. It was pointless to speculate, whatever was going to happen, would happen, no matter what Erik thought. But right now, he would be here for Charles as long as the telepath wanted him.

 

Erik shifted a little, so he got better hold of Charles and then closed his eyes. Maybe he could sleep an hour more or so.

 

…

 

Charles felt warm and safe. He didn’t know how it was even possible these days, but it didn’t matter, he was happy and it was all he needed. He didn’t want to open his eyes or move away from this place, maybe if he just stayed still, he wouldn’t need to.

 

Unfortunately, his mind had other plans.

‘RISE AND SHINE OUR FAVOURITE LUNATICK!’ A voice screamed so loud that it made Charles wince, god that was loud. Suddenly his source of heat moved and Charles remembered that he was in a bed. With Erik.

 

His eyes shot open and he turned his head up to see the other man blinking his eyes open. For a moment Charles thought that he looked quite adorable like that, but then Erik was fully awake and looked at Charles straight to the eyes.

 

The moment became longer and longer, both of them waiting some kind of clue how other felt about this situation. Charles eyes were wide from surprise how everything had happened so fast, while Erik’s expression was more restrained.

 

Charles became aware of Erik’s arms around him and how his own hands were holding the front of other man’s shirt, their legs were tangled and finally it sank in how close they really were. Slight blush rose to the telepath’s cheeks and his lips turned to a smile.

“Good morning.” He said, voice little coarse from the sleep. Erik felt how the weight of doubt moved away from his chest when Charles smiled.

“Morning.” He answered, kissing smaller man’s forehead. The movement made Charles feel fuzzy. He brought his hand to Erik’s cheek, stroking it until he made their lips meet.

 

It was slow, tender kiss at first, but soon started to get more intimate. Erik’s tongue found its way past Charles’ lips and made smaller man let out a low moan. He was gently pushed to his back so Erik was on top of him, their kiss never breaking. Charles’ hands traveled up on Erik’s chest to his neck and to his hair, pulling other man closer while Erik’s hands stroked his sides and slid under his shirt.

 

‘Oh god, please, spare us!’ A voice whined, clearly annoyed.

‘Hey, you shut up! I want to watch this!’ Much enthusiastic voice shouted and made Charles brake the kiss and freeze. Sudden change in Charles made Erik halt, doubt and panic rising inside him. Had he done something wrong?

“Is everything alright? Did I-“He didn’t made it to the end of the sentence when Charles interrupted him.

“No Erik, it’s not you. Never you. It’s just- I wish that they could wait at least until I’m out of the bed.” He said, sounding annoyed more than anything else.

 

Erik sighed and stroked Charles’ cheek.

“Hey, you’ll be alright.” He tried to assure them both. Charles gave him a small smile.

“I know.” He said and stroked Erik’s upper arms. Neither of them made a move to continue what they had been doing, the heat of the moment long gone. Charles was angry, with himself and the voices, even though there was no point in it, they were not even real.

 

He let out a long sigh.

“I should go to get dressed. See you downstairs?” He asked as he sat up. Erik made him space and nodded. He didn’t let himself feel disappointment, this was for Charles and they would go with his pace. Some of it might have still shown on his face, because Charles smiled at him little sadly and kissed his cheek. It made Erik feel slightly better.

“See you soon.” He said and watched as the telepath walked to the door, giving Erik one more smile before closing the door behind him.

 

…

 

Erik was in the kitchen before Charles, but all the children had already gathered around the table and were whispering, having a very heated conversation. Erik didn’t hear what it was about and then Alex lifted his head and saw him. Boy looked spooked for a second, but recovered quickly.

“Erik, good morning.” He greeted, maybe louder than had to. It made others startle and the whispering stopped.

 

Erik took the whole picture in. Hank and Sean didn’t meet his eyes, blue furred man looking uncomfortable and redhead looking like he tried to bite down a grin. Alex seemed to be relaxed, but Erik could see haw he was shaking his leg slightly, which was a sign of restlessness. Angel looked at him with weird smile playing on her lips as she greeted him. Raven just nodded, her eyes calculating and body language stiff.

 

Weird, Erik thought, but let it be. He would find out the reason to their odd behavior sooner or later. He turned to pour himself some coffee and make a toast. Slowly he could hear how the conversation around the table started again, louder this time and assumingly about different topic.

 

 While he was on it, Erik put some water to boil. Charles would be down soon enough and would likely be happy to get some tea as soon as possible. It didn’t take even a minute to Charles walk in to the kitchen greeting everyone as he made his way to cupboard. He seemed oblivious to children’s odd behavior. Erik wondered was it because he was tired, because of the hallucinations or was he just clueless without his telepathy.

 

“I put the kettle on already.” Erik informed Charles who now turned to look at the kettle on the stove.

“Oh, thank you my friend.” He said offering a smile. Erik just nodded and made two extra toasts to the telepath, who didn’t seem to make a move to make a breakfast. And like to confirm Erik’s suspicions, Charles sat on the table just with his tea. Erik smirked to himself, not on my watch.

 

He finished the toasts and put them on two separate plates before put one of them in front of Charles who gave him a questioning look.

“Eat.” Erik just said, sipped his own coffee and took a newspaper from Alex, who didn’t read it anymore, and opened it. He could feel Charles’ not amused look, but ignored it. What he couldn’t feel or see though, were the meaningful looks that the children gave to each other.

 

All in all it was a normal breakfast, well, mostly. He read the paper, which was normal. Charles spoke with others, asking how they had slept and what their plans were today as he slowly ate his toast, which was normal. Neither of them said or did anything that referred to the last night. But the children seemed to be little awkward all the time.

 

As Erik looked up from his paper he saw how Raven and Hank were having a silent conversation. Raven seemed to demand something and Hanks expression was something like “Why me?” Before Erik could ask though, Hank seemed to surrender and coughed.

“Umm, professor?” He asked and Charles turned to him, stopping the conversation with Alex.

“Yes?”

“Uh, could I take another blood example from you? I’ll need it to test the effects of the serum and I’d like to keep on my work. It wouldn’t take too long.” Charles noticed the fast pace of young man’s talking, but let it slip, because he didn’t want to slow down man’s work. After all, sooner the serum was ready the better.

“Of course.” He said and stood up following the blue furred man out of the room.

 

After they were gone, the others fell silent. Erik put the paper away and stood up, maybe he could now go to his run. He didn’t make it far though, when Raven also stood up and blocked his way.

“A quick word with you Erik, now.” She said and walked out the door. Erik raised a questioning eyebrow, but followed her to smaller living room. As he stepped in she closed the door.

 

When Raven spoke, her voice was serious.

“Did you sleep with Charles?” The question took Erik by surprise as did the tone of it. He didn’t let it show however and kept his face neutral. Well, technically he had slept with Charles, but he doubted it was what Raven meant.

“Excuse me?” was all his brain could come up with right now. Raven leered at him.

“You heard me. Did you have sex with my brother?”

 

Erik held Raven’s gaze as he answered.

“No.” He didn’t say the “but I certainly want to” part though. She didn’t look convinced.

“Well, if that’s the case, why did Angel see him coming out of your room this morning, apparently little ruffled and slightly blushing?”  She asked.

 

So that’s why they all had been acting weird. Erik didn’t know should he feel amused or annoyed of this situation. Maybe he should just lie to her and say “yes we fucked and it was amazing”, maybe he could get out of this faster. But he doubted that Charles would be okay with that.

“So what is this? Some kind of sisterly warning speech?” He asked smirking and Raven rolled her eyes.

“Don’t try to make a joke out of this. This is serious.”

 

Erik sighed, but his smirk didn’t drop fully.

“Charles couldn’t sleep last night and when he noticed that I was still awake he came to my room. We talked for a while and then he spent the rest of the night there. If you don’t believe me ask from him.” He added when he saw Raven’s skeptical look.

“Hank is taking care of that.” She said waving her hand. This made Erik rise his eyebrow.

“Hank?” Although the scientist’s new appearance was quite threatening, he doubted that it would help to get Charles to talk. Raven smirked a little.

“I know my brother. He answers to Hank’s questions just because he takes pity on poor man. He knows I’m the one to blame.”  That would actually be pretty accurate, Erik thought.

 

Raven took a deep breath before she continued.

“You have to realize, this is not about you and Charles being together. Don’t even try to deny it, I’ve seen this coming long time ago.” She said when she saw how Erik was about to open his mouth to protest.

“No, this is about timing. Right now, Charles is more vulnerable than usually. No one knows what will be the last straw that will send him over the edge.”

 

Erik started to get impatient. Why didn’t Raven just say what she wanted?

“So, your point is that our relationship is bad for Charles?”

“My point is, that Charles has let you extremely close. He trusts you more than he trusts even me. If you hurt him somehow now…” She didn’t need to end the sentence, Erik understood what she meant, but he didn’t like it. How could she even think that he could hurt Charles? His Charles. Erik would do anything to assure that the telepath was safe. He had already lost so much, he wouldn’t lose Charles too.

“I could never hurt Charles.” His voice was lower than earlier almost threatening.

 

There was weird look in Raven’s eyes, something like blame, but also pity, like she was scolding a child who didn’t know what they had done wrong. It was gone before Erik could understand the reason behind it.

“Of course not purposely. But sometimes you just tend to act before you think.”

 

Erik thought her words. She was correct, but usually acting worked when things didn’t go as planned. But then, usually it had been about his revenge, not about the well-being of some one important. Was it so different?

 

Erik reminded silent with his thoughts and Raven took it as a sign that her job was done.

“Well, you’re both adults, you should know how to make it work. But if you end up hurting Charles, I will make sure that you’ll pay for it.” She said, her tone light, but the smirk on her lips was somewhat scary. Erik snorted.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” He said and turned to open the door.

 

He had to take a step back when Sean and Alex fell in front of him with a shout as soon as the door was opened, Angel was standing behind them trying to hide her laughing behind her hand. Erik gave them questioning look. He could hear how Raven was also laughing.

“Smooth. Remind me to never take you to a stealth missions.” He said. Alex lifted his head, smirking.

“C’mon man, we were just enjoying the feeling of this comfortable floor here.” He said, knocking the wooden floor. Sean, who was trapped under him, didn’t seem to share his opinion.

“Alex, I can’t breathe!” He wheezed without air and made older boy to get off of him.

 

Erik sighed and shook his head.

“I’m going to my run if someone asks.” He said and was out of the door. Behind him he heard Sean’s not so stealth whisper.

“You mean if the prof asks.” With a slight movement of his wrist Sean’s belt tightened around the boy, making him squeak. They did not see how the corner of Erik’s mouth was tugging as he walked away.

 

…

 

After awkwardly amusing conversation with Hank and after he heard that Erik had gone to run, Charles decided to do some more research. He had thought about keeping lectures about mutations and, in time, about mutants. There were so many of them, Charles had heard them, and there would be even more. They were not able to hide forever, so it would be better if someone talked about these things, before some other evil mutant like Shaw would go and try to take over the world.

 

He managed to work little over an hour, before he couldn’t focus anymore. The voices kept talking, trying to get his attention and when they failed they talked to each other. Their tones had changed rapidly, sometimes aggressive and blaming, sometimes playful and flirtatious, sometimes sad and hysterical. Constant noise made his head ache.

 

There was also a man standing in the shadow of one of the bookshelves, staring at him with dark eyes. Charles recognized the hallucination, he had seen it in the asylum too. It had whispered things that he hadn’t understood then, things that had made him nervous, things that you shouldn’t say to a child. The worst part was, it wasn’t only a hallucination. It was a memory. A memory of one of the children in the asylum, who had really faced that sick man. His mind had just picked it up and used it against him.

 

Deciding that he couldn’t do anymore progress, Charles stood up. Movement made the voices exited and their voices became louder. Charles felt how the headache grew stronger. Maybe he could get some rest on the couch, the living room was almost in the center of the manor after, and so he could be closer to others’ minds.

 

As Charles made his way to the door of the study, the man in the shadows took also steps forward and made Charles halt. He felt his heart rate rise because of the sudden movement. He eyed the man suspiciously, he had stopped between Charles and the door, smirking. Charles swallowed and took a deep reassuring breath. It is just a hallucination, it can’t hurt you, he told himself and rounded the man, who followed him with his hungry eyes.

 

“I’ll see you soon, doll face.” The man said sweetly and made Charles feel sick. He left the room as fast as he could, but he still heard cruel laugh behind the door. He took couple of deep breaths to calm himself down and ran his fingers through his hair. He wasn’t so sure that he could get any sleep after all.

 

Fortunately, the living room wasn’t empty. Erik sat on the couch, reading a book. His hair was still slightly damp from showering after the run and he was wearing one of his turtlenecks. Charles kept standing in the doorway, taking the sight in. Erik looked calmer than in all that time Charles had known the man. The idea that he was able to relax here, with them, made Charles smile happily.  

 

Suddenly Erik lifted his head from the book and he noticed Charles, who felt blush creeping to his cheeks, little embarrassed that he had been caught of staring. Erik smirked at him and Charles was quite sure he had never seen anything more attractive. He felt himself relax as he walked in to the room.

“Mind if I join you?” He asked and Erik nodded towards the empty space beside him.

“Be my guest.” He said as Charles slumped down.

 

“Is everything alright?” Erik asked as he took in smaller man’s rumpled appearance. Charles rubbed his head and let out a sigh.

“Just some head ace. It’s okay, nothing new really.” Erik just grunted to that. Apparently knowing that Charles had head aces quite often didn’t reassure the man.

 

“Raven gave me a sisterly speech this morning.” The sentence made Charles laugh.

“I’m a bit sorry to hear that. Hopefully she wasn’t too hard on you, she can be really intimidating when she wants to be.” Erik smirked knowingly, he knew that he didn’t want to get to the bad side of Mystique.

“Nothing I couldn’t handle. But I must admit, I’m little jealous that you got the softer blue.”

“Ah yes, poor Hank. I’m sure that if he didn’t have his fur, he would have been red as tomato. I knew immediately when he started asking about last night that Raven was one to blame.” Charles said and shook his head.

“I wonder how she convinced him to do it.”

“I’m not so sure I want to know.”

 

They laughed at that, Charles more than he should have and Erik to his incapability to stop. He blamed the head ace and tiredness for it. Suddenly there was a loud shattering sound and when Charles turned his head to see what had happened, he saw one of the windows broken. What had happened?

 

“Charles.” Concerned tone of Erik’s voice made Charles turn back to him, but Erik wasn’t looking at the broken window, he was looking at Charles. “Whatever you think you heard or saw, it’s not real.” As Erik spoke he put a steadying hand on Charles shoulder. The words took a second to sink in, but soon Charles remembered what was happening and sighed with annoyance. He brought his hands to his eyes and pressed them there.

 

“I’m sorry.” He said.

“Don’t be.” Erik replied and Charles heard how he put the book away. Soon there was two hands, one on either side of his head, massaging his temples. Charles felt how he melted to the touch, lowering his hands, but keeping his eyes shut as Erik’s skilled fingers on his scalp made him hum quietly.

 

He wasn’t entirely sure how, but soon he found himself dozing off, laying on the couch, his head on Erik’s lap as the older man kept massaging his head. And quite frankly, he didn’t even care, he felt happy.

 

…

 

In the end of the week Charles was walking down the hallway, towards Hank’s room. They had been working on the serum, when Hank had noticed that some of his notes were not there and Charles had volunteered to get them.

 

He didn’t usually spend time in the lab, mostly because it reminded him of the asylum and because right now he couldn’t properly keep up with Hank’s working pace. But today others had went to the city to buy groceries and to have some fun. Or the children had, Charles had made Erik to go just to keep an eye on them and make sure they bought everything needed. So he was helping Hank so he didn’t need to be alone and of course he enjoyed young man’s company.

 

Charles didn’t know what he would have done without Erik and the others, they were so supportive, but didn’t fuss. He had made a habit of sleeping on Erik’s room and it had helped, he wasn’t so tired anymore. Unfortunately it meant that he woke up easily in the middle of the night and even in Erik’s arms, it was difficult to go back to sleep. That led to a point he took naps in the daytime. Others didn’t even blink an eye anymore if Charles joined them and after a while nodded off. He didn’t usually mean to do it, but relaxing was easier with a known mind close to him, so it just happened.

 

But as the time went, also the line of the hallucinations and reality became more and more dim. There were couple of times he had snapped to some voice or shadow that wasn’t real, making people around him uncomfortable and even more times when he reacted to some noise or sudden movement by flinching or taking a step backwards. He also had those times when he forgot where he was and all he could focus on was the voices, they were like nightmares in the middle of the day and only with sound.

 

Erik was a big help. He usually followed Charles around the manor, helped him to plan the school, made sure he ate and was there when Charles needed someone to lean on. Usually it was just small things like slight touch under the table or a steady hand on his upper arm, but on some nights, when the terrors were too much, Erik held him close, whispering sweet nothings to his ear and helped him to calm down. He felt bad that he couldn’t really give anything back to Erik, but Erik said that it was fine, that he could wait. It didn’t take Charles’ frustration away, but made it easier to tolerate. He promised himself that he would make it up to Erik as soon as he could.

 

He was also happy to notice that the children didn’t seem to mind their relationship. Even if Angel hadn’t seen him that morning, he had fallen asleep on Erik enough times to create suspicions. So the things had ended up just fine.

 

Charles was almost in Hanks room, when he noticed a figure walking slowly down the hall. She was wearing a red dress and she had lots of jewelry. Her blonde hair was tied up, but some of it had escaped the tight bun and was sticking out in every direction. Her makeup was ruined, like she had swiped her face with her hand couple of times and she was slightly wobbling, there was a liquor bottle in her hand.

 

Charles stopped, staring at his mother. The scene was so absurd and yet so familiar, he could even smell the whiskey. Sharon stopped as she noticed him and took some support from the wall.  She looked at him from head to toe and wrinkled her nose.

“What are you looking at?” Her speech was slightly slurred and Charles felt his mind go blank.

“I- I was just-“ But Sharon cut him off sharply.

“Kurt was right, you know. I should have left you there. An asylum is only proper place for a freak like you.”

 

The words hurt Charles, he wanted to protest, but no words came out of his mouth.

“Well, it’s not too late to take him back there.” A dark voice behind him said and he felt how the color drained from his face. He spun around, seeing his stepfather, Kurt Marko, standing just behind him. The man looked huge and he tried to get a grip from Charles’ upper arm.

 

Charles dodged, but fell down with a shout. He looked up and saw how the skin of Kurt’s face and hands started to turn black and crumple. There was smell of smoke and fire in the air.

“There is no place to run.” He screeched and walked towards Charles who tried to back away with a panic until he felt the wall behind him. He was trapped! They were going take him back!

 

“No!” Charles screamed when Kurt reached him. Suddenly he felt pain in his knee, and everything seemed to stop. His eyes were closed, but he couldn’t smell the smoke and whiskey or hear anything else than his own rapid heart rate and breathing. When he opened his eyes, there were no signs of his mother or Kurt. He lowered his gaze and saw how his own hand was gripping his wounded leg tightly.

 

 _“You shouldn’t hurt yourself anymore. From what you have told, it seems, that the hallucinations come back faster every time. If it escalates, I’m not sure if your mind can take that.”_ Hanks words sounded like mockery in his mind.

“Dammit!” Charles hissed through his teeth and leaned against the wall. He could only hope that this hasn’t been the final round. That he still had time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed. (even if it was not so great XP)  
> After this fiasco, I'm not comfortable to give any timeline promises, but I don't think that it takes longer than this one. Maybe...
> 
> I can only promise that I'll do my best to get next chapter ready as fast as possible! And thank you again from your support, it feels like I just can't thank you enough, because you really help and it warms my heart to know people read this.  
> Kiitos. (Finnish, means thank you.) ^///^


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. I was traveling and then the school started. (Finals are way too close...) But yeah, I finally made it. XD  
> I hope you enjoy! It's almost end. There will be one or two chapters after this. 
> 
> WARNING. Slight mention of child abuse. Nothing graphic and it's really only mentioned, but I'm paranoid.

Erik was more than relieved when they got back home. Four hours of shopping, walking and keeping an eye on bunch of teenagers had felt even harder task than tracking some former Nazis. Well, Erik had to admit that he had actually even enjoyed the trip, it had been good for all of them to get out of the manor. It had been shame that Charles couldn’t come with them, but with his condition they had all agreed that it was better if he stayed home. Hank had also stayed to work with the serum and keep Charles company. Also, he would have at least got long stares from other people with his blue fur.

 

The girls ran away as soon as they got inside, with their various sized and colored bags. Erik’s patience had ran thin after two hours or so when they had seen yet another boutique where they wanted to stop by. Not that he had something against clothes, shoes or make-up, but he had actually lost the count of the shops they had visited. It was good that Charles’ account seemed bottomless.

 

Before the boys could make their escape Erik pushed one of the bags that contained the half of their groceries to Sean and ordered them to help him unpack them. None of them had bought as many clothes as the girls had, but all of them had found at least some. Erik had even bought a shirt for Charles. While he had eyed it and struggled if he should buy it, Angel had appeared beside him like out of nowhere.

“It’s definitely prof’s style.” She had said. Erik hadn’t answered but took the shirt with him. After they left the shop Angel had smiled and winked at him.

 

After couple of music shops and a comic shop Sean wanted to visit, they had gotten the groceries of the week and headed back home. _Home_ , it was so long when Erik had thought of a place like that, before the camps. The feeling of belonging washed over him as he placed the groceries on the shelves.

 

“I hope you didn’t spend all of my money today.” Charles voice made Erik turn around. The telepath was leaning on the doorframe, hands in his pockets and teasing smile on his face. Erik felt how the corners of his own mouth tugged up. Seeing a real smile on telepath’s face had become somewhat rare these days. He smiled, yes, but it looked always forced.

 

“Well, girls made a commendable effort, but I’m sure there’s something left. Even though, I think you could buy an island and another manor and still have too much money.” He said and was very pleased when Charles laughed.

“What can I say, old money dies hard. Especially when you don’t use it. But what about you boys, enjoyed the trip?” He asked, turning to the boys who were nodding.

“It was cool. By the way, would you mind if I moved the record player to my room? I bought some records and I’d like to listen to them in there.” Alex asked and lifted the bag from the music store.

“Go ahead, but make sure that it doesn’t disturb anyone else.” Charles said lightly, waiving his hand.

“Great! C’mon Sean, you promised to help me to move it.”

“What? No, I didn’t!” Sean shouted as Alex took a grip of his upper arm just when he had made a move to make some snack. Alex rolled his eyes before he answered.

“Yes, you did. Remember?” Alex nodded little towards Charles and Erik. Sean frowned and looked Alex and two adults back and forth until realization hit him.

“Oh! Yes, yes, that’s right. We should totally go. Like, right now. Umm, see ya!” He shouted as Alex dragged him out of the room.

 

Erik and Charles looked at the door with silence, neither of them knowing what to make of it.

“The subtlety is not their strongest point, isn’t it?” Charles stated with a laugh and Erik shook his head, sure that if there someday was indeed a need to go undercover, those two were the last ones to get the job.

“Oh, I guess I didn’t even ask, was the day too bad?” Charles asked turning back to Erik.

“It was bearable. I even found something for you.” Older man said and smirked as Charles’ eyes sparked with curiosity when he saw the bag Erik lifted to the table.

“Oh my friend, you didn’t need to.” He said but was already examining the bag and its insides.

 

Erik watched closely as Charles took the shirt out of the bag, his expression changing from curious to wondering and eventually he smiled brightly to Erik, even if it was only a shirt. Erik decided then that he wanted to see that smile on Charles all the time and if giving small gifts helped with that, he would be more than willing to bring more of them.

“Thank you Erik, so nice of you.” And before Erik was able to respond he had his arms full of Charles as the telepath kissed him. He chuckled and put his hands around the smaller man’s waist. Yep, definitely more gifts.

 

“And how was your day? You seem better.” Erik asked when they broke the kiss, immediately regretting it as Charles’ smile changed to sad one and bowed his head with a heavy sigh.

“I panicked again, although this time I didn’t even realize what I was doing when my hand was already squeezing my knee. It’s been an hour without hallucinations now.” Erik frowned with worry, he hadn’t forgotten Hank’s warning. He tightened his hold of Charles’ waist without noticing it and made Charles lift his head.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He said and stroked taller man’s cheek.

“I’m the one who’s supposed to say that, you know?” Erik asked but leaned to the touch.

“Well, maybe we both need some reassuring these days. And I would be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy this little moment of peace.” Charles tried to make his tone light, but Erik heard easily that it was forced.

 

“Should we start making a dinner then? You can… slice up the vegetables.” Erik said the last part with a smirk, trying to lift the mood and watched with amusement how Charles acted offended.

“I know that I’m not a five-star chef, so you don’t need to remind me of that every time.” He said and turned his head away, making an angry face, but Erik found it only adorable. But the truth was that the man wasn’t able to make anything else but tea and after one miserable trying of shepherd’s stew, he had been given a freedom from cooking duty for good. Erik pecked fondly the side of Charles’ head.

“I’m sorry schatz, I didn’t mean to offend you, cutting the vegetables is an important task.”

“Liar.” But there was already a smile tugging the corner of his lips.

 

…

 

The dinner was fancier that evening than usually, mainly because Erik had been able to choose the ingredients and do the cooking. From all of the residents in the manor he was the most experienced with cooking after all. It was strange what one could learn while hunting down Nazis, but Charles believed that the metalbender possessed also a natural gift of cooking. The children had come to the kitchen before the meal was even ready, lured in by the delicious smell of marinated lamb and roasting vegetables that was spreading through the manor.

 

“Mmm, what a wonderful smell. Is it ready soon?” Angel asked as she and Raven stepped in to the kitchen.

“I’d say ten minutes or so, the lamb must rest on a board for five minutes before I carve it. Maybe you could help Charles to set the table.” Erik answered looking critically to the oven. The girls did as asked and soon Alex and Sean walked in.

“Please tell me you didn’t let the prof touch that, I’m hungry like a wolf!” Sean said as he sat down at the table.

“Actually he cut the vegetables.” Erik’s answer made the boy halt.

“Is it too late to order a pizza?”

“I know that I’m bad, but I’m not that bad.” Charles said, rolling his eyes as he put the forks and knives on the table.

“Charles, you managed to fail fruit salad.” Raven stated from the other side of the table.

“That was years ago and it was Howard’s fault!” Charles’ defense made others laugh good-naturedly.

 

“Alex, could you go and tell Hank that the dinner is ready.” Charles asked after a sigh. The blond muttered something that sounded like “Why always me?” but went to get their scientist. 

The dinner was pleasant. The children told eagerly about the trip for Charles and Hank, both of them listening with an interest and asking questions here and there. It was a happy evening, full of laughter and warmness and even if all of them could notice, how Charles grew more silent when the time went by, no one mentioned it.

 

After the dinner, Hank took Erik aside.

“I presume professor told you about the incident?” He asked with low voice so others didn’t hear them. Erik nodded with a frown.

“Yes, he did. What about it?”

“I don’t think the hallucinations are going to escalate, but keep an eye on him just in case, they can still feel quite overwhelming if there’s only short amount of time between the states.”  Hank’s face was serious and there was no sign of usual nervousness. Erik glanced at Charles who was helping Angel with the dishes. He seemed alright, he was smiling and talking while drying the plates, but Erik could see the stiffness on his body language, like he was suspecting something to attack him any second. Erik just nodded and Hank walked away giving him one final meaningful look. Erik had been there for Charles for this long, he wasn’t going to abandon him now, but it was always good to know when there might be harder times ahead.

 

…

 

It was a middle of the night when Erik woke up, feeling restless. There was a second, when he tried to get his mind around it, but soon it hit him. He couldn’t feel Charles in his arms. Erik’s eyes flew open and he sat up his heart racing, where was Charles, had something happened? He halted when he saw the telepath sitting on the edge of the bed. Erik’s heart calmed somewhat as he saw that he was safe, but the longer he looked, the clearer it was in the moonlight, that Charles was in distress. His breathing was uneven and heavy, he was trembling slightly, he looked deadly pale and there was sweat on his forehead. He was staring at nothing, eyes haunted, skin shining where tears had left their tracks and his hand was squeezing his injured knee like his life was depending on it.

 

For a moment, Erik could only stare. Charles should never look like that, but he didn’t really know what would be best way to act, he didn’t want to scare him, but he had to do something to ease the smaller man’s anguish.

“Charles.” He called gently, but the telepath didn’t react at all. “Charles?” He called again, a bit louder this time, but still nothing. Erik frowned and moved slowly closer to Charles until he could reach the other man’s shoulder with his hand. The touch made Charles spin around, his eyes wide with fear, but Erik was fast hushing him.

“Charles, it’s me, Erik. You’re safe and nothing can hurt you here, I’ll protect you. Those things you think you hear and see are not real.” He kept a sturdy hold of Charles’ shoulder as he reassured him. Slowly Charles seemed to realize where he was, but his expression changed from fear to desperate.

 

“It’s not working.” He said, voice high pitched and barely louder than a whisper. Erik frowned and looked as Charles turned his head to his knee that was still squeezed by his hand. “They won’t go away.” His voice broke as he started to cry, sobbing quietly. Erik gently pulled Charles closer until his back was against his chest. Charles didn’t protest, it was like all strength had left him as he let Erik manhandle him. Erik moved smaller man’s hand away from the injured knee and brought it up and kissed it gently before moving it back down. He moved carefully backwards until his own back was against the bedframe.

 

It hurt, it hurt so much to see Charles like this, tiered and hopeless. Erik tightened his arms around Charles and nuzzled his hair. He wanted to break something, there had to be something he could do. He had so much power, he could bring buildings, even cities down if he really wanted god damn it, and yet, he couldn’t help his lover now, when he needed it most. He wanted to shout in frustration, but that would only hurt Charles more, so he just whispered sweet nothings to his lover’s ear and tried to soothe him. Every sob and whimper teared through his heart.

 

Suddenly Charles went completely still and before Erik could even react he started shouting to the empty room.

“Shut up! Just shut up! You don’t know anything! Just go away and leave me alone!” There was a pause. “I said, SHUT UP!”

“Charles!” Erik shouted when the smaller man tried to jump out of the bed, but Erik’s hold was too sturdy. He turned Charles so they were face to face and took a hold of his shoulders. “Charles, look at me.” He said and tried to keep his voice steady, but couldn’t completely keep the panic in bay. It took a moment but finally Charles’ eyes focused on him.

“Don’t listen to them Charles. Whatever they say, don’t listen.” Erik said and Charles took a shaky breath.

“They say you will leave me. That you can never love someone like me… someone broken, insane, deranged-“

 

Charles speech was cut when Erik tugged him close to his chest, embracing him tightly. He felt stinging on his own eyes.

“Charles, no matter what happens, I will never leave you and I will always love you. I’ll always be here for you.” Erik couldn’t project his feelings to Charles, but tried to say every last word with them as he could. Charles turned his head up from his chest, his eyes red from crying and full of desperation.

“Promise?” He asked and Erik didn’t hesitate with his answer.

“I promise.” Charles looked relieved and nestled against the bigger man’s chest as close as he could. Erik took the cover and tugged it over them.

 

They stayed silent for a while, until Charles started to talk.

“There’s a girl standing in the end of the bed.” His voice was weary, but when Erik looked down at him, Charles eyes were open and he looked fully awake. “I saw her in my nightmare in the night I came to your room. I can’t be sure, but I think she’s the girl that was in the lobotomy surgery.” Erik didn’t know exactly how to respond, so he just tightened his hold of Charles, showing that he was listening. If it helped Charles that he could share the visions that tormented him, Erik was ready to listen.

 

He wasn’t sure if Charles himself knew, but he usually projected his feelings, just slightly, but still. If someone didn’t know better, they would just assume that the man was easy to read because of his clear facial expressions. But when this whole hallucination problem had started, Charles had kept his feelings closely to himself. Erik believed that bottling these feelings like that made the situation even harder for the telepath in his arms.

 

“And there, close to window, is standing a man. He was arrested for child abuse. One of the children in the asylum was his victim.” Erik looked at the window, half expecting to see someone there, but the room was empty. So it wasn’t only Charles’ own demons, but others in that asylum too. How much pain could one man carry?

 

It took the better part of the night, but in the end Charles fell asleep from exhaustion of telling everything he saw, heard and smelled. Erik hoped that it had taken at least some weight from his heart. Charles was incredibly strong, but no one could stand torment like this for ever. Erik didn’t sleep that night, his heart and mind were too full of worry and fear.

 

…

 

Charles’ state only became worse next few days. Everything felt hazy and it became harder and harder to tell the hallucinations and reality apart. He couldn’t really concentrate anymore and couldn’t keep up with conversations. He couldn’t ignore the things he saw and he had started to talk back to them and to the voices, which made others uncomfortable around him. Charles didn’t want to see their concerned or even fearful looks, so he withdrew, stayed in his study or bedroom and didn’t even eat with them.

 

And yet, they didn’t let him stay alone like that. Hank came to see him in mornings and evenings, asking some questions, like had he slept and eaten and assured that the serum would be ready soon. Alex, Angel, Sean and Raven usually came together, talking about nothing, just being there. Usually Raven stayed longer than the others, inventing ways to cheer him up and ease his mind. She even read to him, just like he used to read for her. And Erik, Erik was always there, like he had promised. He made sure he ate and tried to come up with tasks to keep him occupied. They made new plans for school and for the lectures, they played some chess and debated, but soon they noticed that Charles just couldn’t focus enough.

 

They were in the kitchen one afternoon, it was rare, but Charles had noticed that smaller tasks, like making tea, were simple enough that he was able to concentrate and keep his mind somewhere else at least some time. He also wanted to prove (to himself mostly) that he was still capable of doing everyday things. It was almost dark outside, not because of the time, but because of the dark clouds that were gathering in the sky. It would be raining soon.

“Do you want some biscuits with your tea?” Erik asked head in the cupboard.

“No thank you.” Charles simply said, they would probably only taste like ash in his mouth. Or something worse. Erik said nothing, just glanced at him and took the sugar he was searching in the first place putting it to the table.

 

‘Did you see that look?’

‘Yes, that was definitely “I’m tired of this shit” look.’

“No it wasn’t.” Charles felt a need to interrupt the voices, but what kind of look it had been? He didn’t remember.

‘Oh sure. And you are completely sane.’

‘He will leave. It’s just a matter of time.’

‘Or maybe YOU should leave. Just spare everyone’s time and go somewhere you can die without disturbing others.’

 

“Charles, the water is boiling.” Erik’s voice and a hand on his shoulder snapped his mind away from the voices. He had been staring at the kettle without realizing the water had indeed started to boil. Focus! He mentally said to himself and moved the kettle off the stove.

“Could you take two cups for us?” Charles asked and Erik moved to the right cupboard.

“You should make it three now that you’re on it.”

 

The voice made Charles turn around faster than should have been possible. He knew that voice, and the owner of it shouldn’t have been able to be here! But there, sitting at the table, was Sebastian Shaw, the metallic helmet on his head and smug smile on his face.

“How did you get in here?” Charles asked breathlessly looking at the evil man, eyes wide.

“Charles?” He heard Erik’s voice on his left, but didn’t dare to remove his eyes from Shaw. He couldn’t let Erik or anyone in the manor get hurt because of this man, not again.

 

Erik tried to move, to walk over to Charles, but his limbs didn’t obey him. Charles was using his powers on him! He tried to speak again, to snap the smaller man out of it, but he couldn’t. He could only watch as Charles stared and spoke to someone he wasn’t able to see.

 

Shaw seemed to think Charles’ disbelief was very amusing.

“My boy, you should really think about this place’s security, I walked in, straight through the front door.” Charles shook his head, this couldn’t be real.

“But I saw you. You were dead!” He tried to assure himself, he had seen this man’s dead body on the sand of Cuba. Or had he? The uncertainty must have shown on his face, because Shaw started to laugh.

“You just don’t know anymore. You can’t be sure of anything. Am I here? Is Erik? Are you even here or is this all just an illusion and in reality you are in a white room, hugging yourself.” Shaw was mocking him. But he was right. He couldn’t be sure about anything he felt, even Erik’s mind felt muted, was he imagining it too?

 

Wait, Charles thought, a mind. He felt so stupid right now.

“No, I can know for sure. Because I was in your mind when you died! I was keeping you still when you were killed! I felt how that coin pushed through your skull and ripped my mental walls apart! So you can’t be here!” He shouted and Shaw flinched violently, like the words had been a physical blow. For a moment Charles felt proud of himself, but that moment was short-lived as Shaw stood up laughing and when he lifted his head Charles could see a trail of blood and brain tissue making its way down across his face.

“Well played Charles, well played. But what are you going to do now, because I’m not leaving!” And like that, Shaw surged forward, his hands trying to reach Charles’ neck.

 

Charles tried to step back, but his back hit to the kitchen counter and his left hand landed on the hot stove. The hissing sound of burning flesh was drowned by his scream as he pulled his hand away from the stove, close to his body. Only then he realized, that he wasn’t only one who had screamed. He looked up and saw how Erik was holding his own left hand, cursing in various languages. His heart skipped a beat as he started to understand what had just happened.

 

When Erik looked up to him, Charles could see many emotion in his eyes, confusion, betrayal, pain and clearest of them all anger. The look pinned Charles on his place, he even forgot how to breathe. Erik’s eyes moved from his eyes to look at his hand that he was holding close to his chest. Charles followed the gaze and looked at his palm that had a very nasty looking burn. Before Charles could look up again the faucet turned on by itself and his hand was tugged under the cool, flowing water. The contact made Charles groan from pain, but Erik held his hand under the water by his wrist.

 

The pain relieved somewhat and Charles glanced to Erik, who kept his eyes on the sink, breathing heavily, like every moment he tried to keep his anger at bay.

“Erik, I’m-“. Charles tried to apologize, but as soon as he spoke Erik let go of his hand and turned away.

“You should go to Hank and show your hand.” Was all he said, before he walked out of the door.

 

Charles tried to call him, but for nothing. Between his own callings he heard Alex shouting Erik’s name too. Soon the boy appeared at the door, looking alarmed.

“I heard shouting, is everything alright?” He asked as he walked in and towards Charles, making a face when he saw the telepaths hand. “Ouch, that must hurt.”

“It’s fine.” It was a lie, it still hurt, but the answer just slipped out of his mouth.

“That’s a second degree burn you have there, trust me, I know burns. Just keep it under the water and I find some bandages so we can patch you up.”

“I know how to badge up a burn.” Words were much harsher than Charles had meant them to be and made Alex stop and look at him with surprise.

“Alex, I’m sorry. I just-“. But Alex just waved his hand, smirking slightly.

“Hey, it’s okay prof. No harm done, I’m sure from the all evidence I’ve gathered, you have all right to be on the edge right now.” He said and disappeared to look for a first aid kit.

 

Charles sighed and pulled his good hand over his face. This was just brilliant. Now he couldn’t even trust his powers while he had hallucinations. How was anyone safe when they started again? Erik had just experienced ghost-pain and paralysis, but would they be that lucky next time?

 

Charles was soon pulled off of his thoughts as Alex came back with the first aid kit. Charles was a bit surprised how well the young man treated the burn and knew just what bandages use. They were almost done when Hank stepped in to the kitchen.

“Ah Charles, I was just looking for you. I have some news- What happened to your hand?” Hank’s somewhat slow realization of what was happening made Alex snort and Charles, now feeling much calmer, smiled to the scientist.

“I managed to burn it.” He said, not seeing a point to tell the whole story, he was sure Hank would be able to connect some dots.

 

Hank watched as Alex kept patching Charles’ hand.

“You really know how to do that?” He asked frowning.

“Don’t sound so surprised bozo, you don’t have to be a scientist to know how to treat a burn.” Alex answered, rolling his eyes.

“So you were looking for me Hank?” Charles interrupted before a fight would start between these two. Hank glared Alex one last time before his eyes settled to Charles.

“Yes, I just finished the latest formula of the serum. The test results should be ready tomorrow, but I have pretty good feeling about this.” He said smiling sheepishly and Charles didn’t know if he could believe his ears.

“So, it’s ready?” He asked slowly.

“Well, more or less. We just have to wait the results and I have to make the calculations about the right dosage.”

 

Charles couldn’t believe it. This would be over soon, just one night and this hell would end.

 

…

 

Erik heard Alex’s calls, but ignored them and kept walking down the hall.

 

His fault. This was all his fault! He should have known, he felt the rage building up inside him. He was a fool, thinking that he could be something else than just a weapon, a monster, that he had place beside Charles, that he was capable of something else than just destroying. It was like the universe itself was mocking him. All those vows, that he would protect Charles, that he would never hurt him and be there for him. And he was the reason of his pain and suffering all this time.

 

He didn’t notice Raven before they almost walked into each other.

“Hey, the hallway is wide enough to both of us.” She said somewhat annoyed, but then she saw his furious expression. Erik tried to go past her, she stepped on his way. “Erik? Did something happen?” Her tone now alert. Erik didn’t meet her eyes as he spoke.

“How long have you know it was my fault?” His voice was low and he could tell from Raven’s serious face that she knew what he meant.

“So he told you?” There was confusion in her voice.

“No, he didn’t.” Erik couldn’t keep all venom from his voice.

“Yeah, neither to me. I just guessed.”

 

“I feel so stupid. How I couldn’t see this?” Erik asked and pushed his hand through his hair. Raven sighed slightly and nodded, she knew that it was easy to underestimate a telepath’s powers.

“It’s easy to forget, that telepathy is not limited only on our thoughts, but can feel everything. Most people don’t even consider the possibility of it. And I think that you thought that helping him was more important than searching the reason to it.” Her voice was calm now, but in her last words had so much power that Erik was taken aback. She really wasn’t a child anymore.

“It still doesn’t change the fact that this is all my fault.” His shoulders slumped and his skin felt too tight.

“You didn’t mean it! And I know, that it is only thing that matters to Charles.”

“But not for me!” His outburst made Raven flinch. “You don’t understand! When I killed Shaw, I wanted to make it painful, I wanted to make it slow! I pushed a coin through his head, slowly, making sure to maximize the pain. And now… Now I hear that Charles felt it all. That all that time I was hurting him.”

 

They stood there in silence, until Raven tenderly touched his upper arm.

“You have to talk about this with him.” She said and Erik sighed.

“I know. I just, need some time.” He couldn’t face Charles now, not yet. Raven nodded with understanding.

“Take your time, I’ll keep him company while you think.” She assured and gave him a smile as she walked past him. “Just don’t take too long.” She called, before disappearing around the corner. Erik looked down the hall for a minute, before he started walking again, already calmer than before.

 

He intended to join Charles on his bedroom that night, but the steady rhythm of the rain on the window made him fall asleep on the sofa, in one of the storage rooms. His slumber felt like it was cut off shortly when thunder stroke near the mansion. He sat up slowly, rubbing the pain on his neck. That was when he realized that the manor wasn’t silent like it usually was in nights. He could hear screams of pain, crying, laughing and even singing, all of them creating horrifying background noise.

 

But there was one noise that was closer to him than others. It was wheezing and slow breathing. The lightning strike again, and in the second of light, Erik saw a girl, standing just few feet from him. She was dripping blood on the floor, making the air smell like iron and there were only holes where was supposed to be her eyes. Erik couldn’t do anything but stare, what the hell was that? And then she spoke, with raspy voice that Erik was sure would hunt him forever.

“Help me…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to write some BAMF!Charles after this. (I have an idea for a oneshot.) As much as I love to see, read and write hurt Charles, I also love him using his powers and being a badass. But it would have felt too forced to put some in this story, I just hope that Charles doesn't seem too weak or a wimp, because his not. The situation just isn't the best for him.
> 
> The next chapter... I have no idea. XP I really want to write, but I have to study biology so I can graduate with an average grades. But I swear that I'll do my best! ;)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha! I'm alive! XD But seriously, sorry this took so long, but stress really got the best of me for a while. I just didn't find any energy to write and if I tried to write the text was really clumsy. But now that all is over and I'm back on track! School can't hold me down anymore!  
> Fair warning, this chapter is dark. (And all mistakes are mine)

Charles didn’t understand what happened. There had been this blinding pain inside his head, like it was about to split in two. Then, it ended, just as suddenly as it had started, but now he was in a nightmare. Bloody halls, slowly moving shapes in the shadows, screams, cries, and smell of death.

 

Charles stood up from the bedroom floor where he had collapsed. He was shaking and breathing rapidly, trying to get his thoughts together, but the voices distracted him, his scalp was itching and the smell of blood and chemicals made him want to throw up. He took a couple of unsteady steps towards the door, but a voice behind him made him halt.

“Charles, stop right there.” It was long time Charles had heard his doctor’s voice, but he recognized it immediately and indeed, when he turned around he saw the man himself, standing in front of the window. He looked just like Charles remembered, greying hair and beard, sharp green eyes behind gasses, soft smile, hands behind his back. He was even wearing his white lab coat.

 

Doctor Truman shook his head slowly, sad smile on his face.

“Charles my boy, I really thought that we had made some progress, that you were starting to heal.”  He took a break and sighed heavily. He looked tired. “But, it seems that the damage is way deeper than we originally thought and you will never be able to live your life along other people.” Charles felt his stomach sank.

“But, I’ve lived years among others. This all happened just because we had to stop Shaw. Hank said the cure is almost ready and this all will be over soon. I can finally open the school for children like me, like Erik and Raven and others.” He tried to explain and thought of hope made him smile, because it would happen soon.

 

“Charles, you’re delusional. You keep talking about these people, Shaw, Hank, Erik, but they are not real. After you got somewhat better you came back to live here and you’ve never left this manor’s estate since. Not even after Kurt died in the fire and after your mother passed away because of a liver failure.” There wasn’t any softness in Truman’s voice anymore, just plain desperation, like they had had this conversation many times before. The words made the smile fade away from Charles’ lips. It felt like someone was pouring ice-cold water down on his back. That couldn’t be right.

“But, Raven just went to bed one hour ago. She’s in her bedroom, sleeping, I can feel her min-“. Now, it was like he was thrown into cold water. He couldn’t feel Raven’s mind, nor Erik’s or anyone else’s. Why he couldn’t feel them? The itching became worse and ran a hand through his hair to ease it. Where were they?

 

Truman looked at him pitying.

“Charles, Raven, your step-sister, died a day after she was born. You took it very hard.”

“No…” No, this- This wasn’t happening. Why was this happening?

“Hush, don’t worry Charles. Soon we’ll take you to a place you can heal, to the place that doesn’t encourage these delusions.” The doctor walked slowly towards Charles, like he was a scared animal.

‘They’re going to take you back! They will take you to the asylum and lock you in a white room like a madman!’ The voice made Charles move, because it was right, they wanted him to go back.

 

“No!” He jerked away from the doctor and ran out of the door. He could hear him shouting after him, but didn’t care. He had to get out!

 

…

 

Erik acted with an instinct and kicked the girl straight to her side to get her away from him, but his leg just passed through her like she was nothing. Like she wasn’t there. For a strange and long moment Erik just stared at the wheezing girl while his brain caught up what just had happened. This was just an illusion and not his illusion, but Charles’. Charles had to be projecting this. This wasn’t good.

 

Erik stood up from the couch, ignoring the girl and the pool of blood under her feet. He had to go to see Charles, he should have been there when these hallucinations came back. Erik swore under his breath as he walked along the corridor towards the sleeping quarters. Why had he fallen asleep?

 

The constant bag round noise started to get under Erik’s skin and the new look of the mansion didn’t help. It looked like no one had lived there in years. There was dirt everywhere, the wallpapers were ripping down and there were words and sentences’ written on the walls with spray-paint and blood like “Psycho” and “Go to the white room where you belong”.  The scenery made Erik nervous and it didn’t help that the shadows seemed to move like they were alive. He didn’t understand how Charles had managed this long, Erik wasn’t sure he would have. And it wasn’t only these days in the manor, but those years in the asylum too… Erik shook his head, there was no time to pity. He had to find Charles.

 

Erik turned just around the corner to the hallway where the bedrooms were, when he heard a scream of fear. Only difference between this and other screams was though, that he knew this voice. Soon enough a door fell open and Alex backed away from his room in terror, wearing only sweatpants. Erik could see how there was red energy building around his middle. Shit.

“Alex don’t, it’s not real!” Erik shouted and the boy turned to look at him eyes wild, but the energy slowly disappearing.

“Erik, what the fuck is going on here?” He shouted, but before Erik was able to answer a shadowy figure walked slowly from Alex’s room, breathing heavily and lifting its hand like it was trying to reach the boy. Before it got very far Erik slammed the door shut with his powers and the figure disappeared like smoke in the air letting out an echoing howl.

 

“It’s Charles.” Erik said and walked past the boy towards Charles’ room. Alex stumbled and followed the older man still having no idea what was happening and Erik’s answer hadn’t helped at all.

“What? Charles- What?” As they walked Alex was able to take a good look of the hallway and shuddered. The place was creepy and looked like it was going to fall apart. Including the noises that echoed through the hallways made the place seem like a nightmare.

 

They made it to Charles’ door and Erik didn’t even bother to knock, but threw the door open and marched in calling for the telepath. The room was empty, no sight of Charles. Erik checked the bathroom, but it was also empty. He felt a tread wrap around his insides, making it hard to breathe, panic rising in him. Where was Charles?

 

“What the hell is happening here?” Raven’s voice made Erik turn around. She was standing next to Alex near the doorway. She was in her blue form, like always these days and wearing a pale pink dressing gown. She was holding her arms around her waist and her expression was shocked and worried. Erik took a deep breath, he had to keep it together.

 

“Charles is missing and apparently his powers have gotten out of control.” Erik explained, although he was quite sure Raven had been able to figure that much by herself, but that was all he knew. He scanned the room with his eyes. There was no way of knowing what was real and what was illusion. Raven swore under her breath.

“Shit. I shouldn’t have left him alone. He was still fine barely one hour ago.” She said with reassuring voice, but who was she trying to reassure, Erik and Alex or herself. Well, it didn’t matter.

“We have to find him.  Have you any idea where he could be?” Erik asked trying to keep desperation out of his voice, not really knowing if he succeeded. Raven ran her hand through her hair thinking hard.

“If he still is in the manor there are plenty of places we used to hide when his stepfather or -brother weren’t in a good mood and even more places he went when he wanted to be alone. But if he has left the manor and the estate he can be anywhere.” She said tread in her voice. If Charles had left the manor it would be almost impossible to find him.

 

Erik closed his eyes and focused, feeling every single metal object of the manor. Then he directed his powers to the locks of the doors leading outside and on the hinges of the windows, melting them, making sure no one could get in, or in this case, get out.

“Okay, I locked this place up, but we need more help. Raven, wake Angel up. Alex you take Sean, I let Hank know.” Others nodded and hurried out of the room, Erik on their heels.

 

They departed to different rooms on the hallway. Erik opened the door to Hank’s room, slower this time, and stepped in. The room wasn’t dark, the lamp on the desk was on and the scientist himself had fallen asleep at said desk, clothes still on, arms folded under his head. It seemed that he had been drawing something.

 

Erik stepped beside Hank and put his hand on his shoulder, shaking other man a little.

“Hank, wake up.” The blue furred man startled awake, sitting straight,

“What? What’s happening?” Hank asked, looking around still somewhat out of it until his eyes settled to Erik. “Oh, Erik. It’s you. Umm, can I help you? What’s that noise?” The boy asked frowning as he fixed the position of his gasses.

“It’s Charles, the hallucinations are back and his powers have gone wild.” Erik told and Hank’s eyes widened. He opened his mouth to say something, but a loud screech and swearing from Sean’s room made him stop. The men shared a quick look and then hurried to the other room.

 

They were greeted with a sight of Sean in boxers and a T-shirt, holding his hand against his cheek and Alex who was swearing and looking angry.

“What happened?” Hank asked and Sean was fast to answer.

“Alex hit me!”

“Well you started screaming, so I did the first thing that came to mind to get you quiet!” Alex defended himself.

“Well you would have screamed too if you thought you saw a weird shadowy figure in the corner of your room!” Sean shot back and gestured towards the far corner of the room. Erik looked and indeed, there was a shadow that swayed slowly and sounded like it hummed some odd tune. Beside him Hank took a step back.

“What is that?” Fear in his voice was clear.

“Calm down bozo, it’s not real. Neither are the other weird things and noises.” Alex said with a roll of his eyes.

“Wait, what noises? And there was really nothing there.” Sean said with a frown as others changed confused looks.

“So you don’t hear or see anything unordinary?” Erik asked and Sean shook his head.

 

Before any of them could think about Sean’s immunity to the hallucinations, Raven and Angel appeared to the door.

“Raven told everything. So what’s the plan?” Angel asked firmly, she was wearing her purple dressing gown.

“Told what? What is going on?” Sean asked, looking completely lost. Erik let out a sigh and started to explain the situation as fast as he could.

“So now we need to split up and find him.” Erik said, but Sean looked still little unsure.

“But I can’t see or hear anything.” He said and Alex let out a groan.

“Does it matter? We have an actual problem here!” Erik was with Alex, they had wasted enough time already.

“Could it be the pain?” Hank said out of the blue and everyone turned to look at him. “I mean, it was what helped Charles, the pain was a strong enough stimuli to make a difference between the reality and hallucinations.”

 

Erik nodded slightly, that made sense.

“But does that help us?” Raven asked frowning.

“Actually it can, yes.” Erik said as an idea rose in his mind and he got everyone’s attention. “If we split up in pairs, one seeing hallucinations, other not. The one who can’t see them is able to focus on clues where Charles might have gone. And the one seeing the hallucinations will be able to help Charles easier because they’re seeing what he is seeing.” Erik explained and others nodded.

“Sounds like a plan. How do we pair up?” Angel asked and everyone was looking at Erik again, waiting for him to take the leader’s job. Erik was quite proud of them, they had determination in their eyes and they had their concentration in the situation.

 

“Where are the most of the hiding places you mentioned earlier, Raven?” He asked and she replied immediately.

“On the third floor.”

“Okay, you and Sean search that floor. Angel, you and I take the first floor. Alex, you and Hank take care of the basement. We meet on the second floor.” He said and others nodded.

“Should I get the serum? The test results are not necessarily ready yet, but I have a good feeling about it. And we don’t know how serious the situation is.” Hank asked, his nervousness drowning under his confidence. Erik thought for a moment, but nodded then, it was always going to come to it.

“Take it as you search the basement.”

 

“So who else is going to get hit?” Sean asked.

“I’m able to concentrate on my work better if there is no unnecessary things around. If I have to inject the serum to the professor I want to have my whole concentration on it.” Hank said.

“Sounds good for me.” Alex said and punched the other man to the stomach making him let out a growl.

“Ouch! Thanks a lot Alex. Well, at least it worked.” Hank said holding his middle.

 

Erik turned his attention to Angel.

“I want to keep the hallucinations, if it’s okay with you.” He said and Angel nodded.

“Actually I’m relieved to get rid of them.” She answered.

“Good. So how do you want to do this?” Erik asked, but Angel wasn’t able to say anything when Raven already slapped her hard on the upper arm.

“Ouch! Thanks from the warning…” She said through her teeth, but nodded to Erik so he knew it had worked.

“Just making things go faster, we have work to do.” Raven said.

“Yes. We meet on this floor when we are done with our own. If you find Charles let others know somehow. Questions?” All shook their heads. “Good. Let’s-”. There was a bright light and a loud rumble as a thunder stroked really close to the manor. When it ended, the room was completely dark.

“A black out.” Hank said quietly. Erik nodded.

 

“Find yourselves flashlights. You’re going to need them.” 

 

…

 

The door didn’t open! Why didn’t it open? Charles thought frantically as he pounded the front door of the manor, but it didn’t move even an inch.

“Damn it!” Charles cursed and slammed his fist hard against the wooden door.

‘Just give up. We will keep you company in the white room. We will never leave you alone.’ The voice said, like it was trying to comfort Charles, but its promise sounded more like a threat.

“I’m not going back!” Charles said back, but his voice waivered. As long as he reminded in the manor and in its estate, the possibility of getting caught and ending up in the asylum grew stronger every second. So he made his way towards the next door that led outside. One of them had to be open!

 

But the next door was stuck too no matter how hard Charles pushed and pulled it. There had to be another way out.

‘Or not. Don’t you understand? You are doomed  ̴ ’ The voice sang and Charles felt cold all of sudden.

“Shut up! I need to think!” Charles snapped and inhaled deeply, scratching his head. It felt like something was moving under his skin. He looked out of the window. There was a storm outside, he hadn’t even noticed. Wait… The window! There was one broken window in the living room. Maybe he could escape through it!

 

Charles ran through the hallway to the living room. He hoped they hadn’t changed the window already, but actually, he could always brake it again. It would just be easier if it was even a little shattered to begin with. Charles arrived to the living room, but felt his shoulders slump when he saw the window. It was nailed shut with wooden boards.

‘Finally giving up?’ The voice asked like it was smirking.

“No way in hell.” Charles muttered angrily and walked to the window. The shards had been apparently cleaned from the floor so he didn’t need to mind his steps.

 

The boards prevented him to see out properly. Like there would be anything to see in the first place, it was a middle of the night and raining hard, so you couldn’t see even a few feet ahead. But he was able to see some cracks on the window, so it still had to be broken.  Good, Charles thought as he scratched his head again trying to get the itch go away, now he just had to pull the boards out of the way.

 

Before he could do anything however, he heard how car drove closer and soon he was able to distinguish headlights of the said car.

“Shit!” He cursed under his breath, it was too late. This window was too close to the front door, they would hear if Charles broke the window. The car pulled halt in front of the manor and Charles could hear how the doors opened and closed. He had to get to another side of the manor and break a window there.

 

Charles made his way out of the door and through the hallway, but voices ahead of him made him halt. He held his breath and tried to listen, even if the other noises tried to drown them. There was no mistake, somebody was making their way towards him. Charles felt his heart beat fasten and his eyes widened. There was no way to go! He made the decision on a whim. He turned around and ran silently towards the basement level. If there was no chance to get out, he just had to hide and wait for an opportunity to flee.

 

He took the stairs down and made his way through the rusty hallways. It was dark, but he knew exactly where to turn. He used to spend time in furthest storage room, mainly because no one ever went there. He turned last time and ran his hand along the wall as he walked forwards. Soon enough he felt a cold metal door under his fingertips. Finally. The door was old and beside it was metallic handle that had to be pushed up, so the door could be pulled open. The handle moved easily, but the door was really stiff and made screeching noise as Charles pulled it open.

 

He held his breath again, listening if someone had heard him. Soon he could hear footsteps, echoing in the halls of basement. Charles moved fast and slipped inside pulling the door shut behind him as hard as he could. There was a muffed sound as the handle dropped back down, locking him in. Charles let out a heavy sigh. Why was this happening to him? Well, at least this was better place to be than the mental asylum.

 

Charles moved his hand, searching the light switch from the wall. He found it quickly and pressed it, but there was no light. He frowned, switching the light couple more times, but still nothing happened. The noises sounded louder in the dark. This was just perfect. He took couple steps forward, but froze fast. He was only wearing thin socks and that was why he could feel that the floor wasn’t concrete like id should have been. It was way too smooth. Slowly, Charles knelt down and ran his hand over the floor. This is a tile floor, he thought frowning even harder, but that wasn’t possible.

 

‘Confused?’ The voice asked, making Charles startle.

‘Come on Charlie, you know this room silly.’ Another said and Charles’ heart skipped a beat.

“No…” He whispered, this wasn’t happening. He made his way slowly towards the right corner of the room feeling his way with his hands. Soon, his fingers brushed something soft and made his blood run cold. With shaking hands he explored the piece of furniture he had found. There was a thin blanket, metallic bedframes and firm straps attached to the frame. The realization made him shrink back away from the bed until his back collided with the wall.

 

Charles let out a hysterical laugh. That was his bed… This was his room… This was the asylum.

“No, no no nonononononononono. This is not happening! How is this possible?” Charles shouted to the empty room tugging his legs tight against his chest. The itching of his scalp had changed to stinging, like tiny insects were trying to push themselves through his skull.

‘Oh Charlie, you never left.’

 

…

 

Hank and Alex walked through the basement halls towards the lab. Alex had their only flashlight and Hank started to get annoyed how the other scanned the hall all the time with it.

“Keep it steady Alex!” He finally burst out when said boy moved the light behind them so he couldn’t see where he was going.

“Sorry!” Alex shoot as he lightened the hallway before them again. “It’s just… You should see this place. This is like straight from some horror film.” He said eyeing nervously the bloodstains on the walls.

“It’s just that we will reach the lab sooner if you don’t move the light all the time. And sooner we get the serum, sooner we will be able to help the profes- “. The sound of screeching made Hank halt and turn his head.

 

Alex stopped and turned to look at Hank.

“What is it?” He asked, had he heard Charles?

“I heard screeching… Like a metal door.” He said and they shared a look.

“So is it Charles, or is Erik giving us a sign?” Alex asked and now that he listened he could hear how a door slammed shut somewhere in the basement.

“I think Erik would have done something more over the top.” Hank said and Alex snorted, that was true. “So, assumedly it’s Charles. Now we just have to let others know.”

“Any ideas?” Both boys tried to come up with something reasonable, but there was no way to reach for everyone.

 

“We just have to go and tell Erik and Angel, they might be able to connect with others.” Alex said with a sigh. Hank nodded, they could get the serum after Charles was found or at least after others were informed about his whereabouts.

 

…

 

Erik felt irritation rising inside him. Every sound and every shift of shadow made him stop in hope of it was Charles, but it never was. After a while he just decided to observe Angel and watch if she noticed something. She was effective as she scanned rooms of the ground floor, never stopping for very long. They didn’t talk, there was no reason to.

 

They entered yet another room when something got Erik’s eye. Or rather, someone. She was standing close to a bookshelf, her back to the room, wearing simple shirt and skirt and scarf on her head. Erik’s mouth ran dry.

“Mama?” The word escaped from his mouth without his permission. The woman turned around and Erik forgot how to breathe. Edie Lehnsherr looked surprised at first, but soon she started to smile warmly just like Erik remembered.

“Erik, my boy. You’ve grown up. What a handsome man you’ve become.” She said and without realizing it Erik had taken a few steps towards her. It felt like the time had stopped.

 

“But I never understood Erik. Why did you let them kill me?” She asked her smile fading away and it felt like someone had punched him straight to the guts.

“I- I tried to save you, mama. I-“. He tried to explain, his voice weak and strange to his own ears. But his mother cut him off. Blood was trailing down on her face.

“You failed me Erik. This is your fault!”

 

“Erik!” Another voice calling his name and a hand on his upper arm snapped him out of the trance. He looked beside him straight to Angel’s eyes. “Erik, there’s nothing there. It’s just a hallucination.” Her firm voice brought Erik back to reality and made him remember what the situation was. He turned to look at his mother- no, the hallucination, again. She was looking him in rage, the expression alien on her face. The blood had started to stain her shirt and the floor under her.

 

Suddenly her skin started to shatter, until there was only shadowy figure left that surged towards them screaming. With an instinct Erik reached with his powers and hit the shadow with some trophy that had been placed on the bookshelf. The shadow disappeared as the trophy flew through it. Only then Erik felt the tears on his eyes.

“Erik!” Angel shouted again and made him shake his head and blink, trying to get himself together. He turned back to Angel and nodded taking a deep breath.

“Sorry for that. I’m fine now.” Angel frowned, like she didn’t know if she should believe him, but she didn’t have time to make her mind when they heard someone shouting their names.

 

“Isn’t that Hank?” Angel asked and they moved to the hallway where they saw the blue furred boy peeking inside the other rooms.

“Hank!” Erik called loudly, making the boy jump and turn at them, looking relieved.

“There you are. Good.”

“What is it? Did you find Charles?” Erik demanded as they walked to the scientist.

“Well, yes and no…” Hank’s answer made both Erik and Angel frown.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Angel asked and Hank took a deep breath before he answered.

“We heard how a door opened and closed in the basement and figured out that it wasn’t your doings Erik, so it had to be Charles. But we have no idea which door it was because of the echo. Alex is on the end of the basement stairs, making sure that Charles doesn’t leave.” Erik listened Hank’s report and felt hope lift its head. They were closer and closer to find Charles.

 

“Then let’s go!” Angel said but Hank stopped her.

“Wait, we must inform Raven and Sean first.” Without even warning Erik focused his powers on the old metal pipes that were hidden inside the manor’s walls, twisting them so that they made loud noise, but didn’t break. After he was sure Raven and Sean had heard it and understood the sign he stopped and nodded to others.

“Angel, go to the main hall and wait for others. Hank and I start the search with Alex.” He said with new determination.

 

Hank and Erik ran to the stairs that led to the basement where Alex was waiting for them, sitting on the top of the stairs.

“No sight of him.” Alex said as he stood up and led the way down to the basement, that didn’t look like the basement at all. The corridors had dirty white walls and green tile floor. There were banners with supporting sentences, posters about new medical innovations and also drawings made by children. Despite all those things it looked cold and depressing.

“Whoa! This place didn’t look like this five minutes ago.” Alex said as he scanned the corridors with his flashlight.

“What? What does it look like?” Hank asked, because he saw the basement how it really was.

“The corridors are where they were before, but now they look like they were from a hospital or a-“.

“An asylum.” Erik finished. He was standing close to one wall looking at the drawings, or one specific drawing actually. It was a clumsy drawing of a man. One half of him was normal, but another half was completely black like a shadow that had evil looking smirk on its face. At the corner of the paper with a shaky handwriting was written ‘Charles’. If it was ever really drawn or not, Erik couldn’t tell, but it still made him feel uneasy. He tried to touch it, but all he could feel was cold metal wall.

 

“That might be alarming. This is not only twisting reality anymore, this is changing it completely. I’m seriously concerned about Charles’ condition. ” Hank said and Erik felt his blood run colder.

“But we can still help him?” Erik asked clenching his jaw and looking at young scientist who had sadness in his eyes.

“Honestly? I don’t know.” His words hang heavily in the air.

 

It was Alex who broke the silence between them.

“We have to find him quickly then! So, where do we start?” His voice came out almost angry, making both Erik and Hank look the boy with surprise. They recovered from it fast and Erik nodded.

“You’re right. Hank, if what you said is true, we need that serum. You and Alex go and get it. I will go other way and search there. I can feel my way around with my powers.” He ordered, taking his role as a leader again.

“Okay. We’ll follow you as soon as we can.” Alex said and Hank nodded before they turned around and ran towards the lab. Erik inhaled once focusing his senses and felt the metal walls, doors, shelfs and pipes under the illusion. Now he just had to find the right door.

 

…

 

“Do you know where you are?” A male voice asked somewhere left side of Charles. It sounded familiar, but Charles couldn’t connect it to a face or a name. His head was hurting and he felt hazy. He was not sure if his voice worked so he just shook his head slightly, hoping that the man saw it. He didn’t want to open his eyes, afraid of the pain.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. We figured something like this would happen. You are in The Utopia, the sanatorium for people with mental illnesses. You’ve been trapped inside your head a long time, but finally our treatments have some impact.” Charles frowned, trapped inside his mind? He tried to move, but there was a sharp pain from his head that made him hiss and sit still.

“No, don’t move. You are still weak from the treatment. But we can try to help your recovery. Say after me; this is me waking up. This is real.” The man instructed with calm voice and Charles wanted to believe him. He wanted this pain go away. But a small part of his brain was against it, said that he must not do it. So Charles kept his mouth shut and curled up tighter on himself, keeping his legs close to his chest and holding his hands on his head. His hair felt little damp, but he didn’t understand why.

 

He tried to take deep breaths and calm his mind when there was soft voice in his head, like a fading memory. _“Charles, no matter what happens, I will never leave you and I will always love you. I’ll always be here for you. I promise.”_ The voice was warm and assuring. Charles knew that voice, but names and faces stayed hidden.

“You promised, so where are you?” He whispered with broken voice.

 

…

 

Erik had been checking the rooms along the corridor, but there was no trace of Charles. Every empty room made him more and more anxious. Well, they didn’t look empty. He had seen couple of patients and shadows, but of course they weren’t real. It was very distorting to feel metallic things with his powers but still see an asylum around him.

 

He was just about to open yet another door when he heard someone shouting his name. He turned around and saw how Angel, Raven and Sean ran around the corner.

“Erik, I might know where Charles is.” Raven said as she noticed him and Erik’s whole attention was now on them.

“Where?” He asked and the others stopped in front of him.

“It’s a small storage room at the end of this corridor. It was rarely used so it was a good hiding place.” Raven explained and Erik nodded.

“Show the way.” He said and moved aside so Raven could get past him.

 

“Where’s Hank and Alex?” Sean asked as they followed Raven.

“Went to get the serum from the lab. They’ll catch up once they have it.” Erik told them just as they took turn to left and could see the end of the corridor in the light from their flashlights. ‘We’re almost there Charles, stay strong.’ Erik thought even though he couldn’t project them to his lover. There was a chance it could be the last straw that might break Charles mind for good.

 

Finally Raven stopped in front of the last door of the corridor.

“This should be it. There is a real door here right?” She asked to make sure she hadn’t turned wrong anywhere. Angel nodded.

“Yes, there is, but it’s locked from this side.” She said frowning. Erik studied the door with his powers. It was thick and had some kind of old lock system that was easy to move, or in this case, easy to lock by accident.

“Let’s check it anyway.” Erik said and used his powers to move the handle up, out of the door’s way. The door made screeching noise as it opened. Well at least that lined up with Hank’s story.

 

The room was pitch black like the whole manor right now. Erik moved the light of his flashlight around the room, stopping to a man who was sitting on a chair beside a bed. He had glasses a white lab coat and he was talking quietly to someone on his right, not paying any attention to the opened door or to them. He moved the light to man’s right, following his way of sight and stopped again when it found another man, sitting on the floor, curled to himself. The sight made Erik’s stomach drop and he heard Raven take a sharp breath, Sean let out a squeak and Angel said something under her breath that sounded a lot like “Oh my god”.

 

Before he even realized it Erik had walked to the room and knelt down beside Charles, calling his name gently as he put his hand on another man’s shoulder. However, Charles pulled away from his touch like it had burned, letting a pained groan and lifted his head up looking straight at Erik. His eyes looked glassy and were full of fear and confusion. In a hard light of flashlights that made the shadows sharp he looked more like a ghost. He had brought his hands down from his hair and now Erik could see that they were bloody.

“Charles. You’re hurt?” Erik asked and tried to reach for a man again to see where he was bleeding but the smaller man just backed away again.

“Sean, go find Hank and Alex and bring them here.” Erik said, urgency in his voice and soon he could hear the boy running away from them.

 

Raven stepped in to the room too, approaching Charles slowly.

“Hey, Charles, don’t worry, we are here for you.” She said and Charles looked between her and Erik frowning.

“Who are you?” Charles’ asked with a weak voice, making their blood run cold.

 

…

 

The man kneeling beside Charles looked heartbroken. Charles didn’t know why, but it made him sad. The man opened his mouth to say something, but another voice made it first.

“Charles, snap out of it. There’s no one else here but me and you.” It was the voice that had been talking to him earlier. Charles turned his head slowly, not wanting the pain to flare up from sudden movements, and saw a man wearing a lab coat sitting on a white chair. A doctor. He looked familiar.

“What?” He asked with confusion and looked around. This was his room in the asylum, just like the doctor had said, but the other people that had entered looked also familiar, even if the lightning was bad.

 

The blue girl in dressing gown walked to him. What a weird choice of clothing to a place like this, Charles thought.

“Charles, I’m Raven. I’m your annoying sister. I know you remember me if you just try.” She said squatting down in front of him, putting gentle hand to his knee. Charles frowned. He tried to remember but it was like all the memories were somewhere behind the throbbing pain.

“Raven?” He said, like saying the name would have helped him to remember.

“Charles, Raven is dead. She can’t be here. She’s not here.” The doctor said firmly from his chair and the pain in Charles’ head raised and made him flinch. He brought his hands back to his head and pushed his fingernails to his scalp, the pressure easing the pain.

 

Suddenly two strong hands took a hold of his wrists and tugged them away from his head.

“Charles, stop! You’re hurting yourself!” The man beside him said with a desperate voice. Charles tried to free his hands but taller man’s grip was too strong.

“Charles please calm down! We just want to help you!” The blue girl, Raven, pleaded, but the pain made it hard to focus.

 

Charles didn’t hear the running steps but soon there was more people on the door.

“We have the serum!” Man with blue fur told them and hold up a syringe and the man beside Charles let out a relieved sigh.

“Finally. This all will be over soon Charles. It’s going to be okay.” He murmured soothingly, but Charles’ eyes were now glued to the syringe.

‘Yes, it will be over soon… They’re going to put you down! They’re going to kill you!’ A voice laughed somewhere in the room.

 

…

 

The new voice made them all startle and try to find the source of it, but no one was in sight. The words made Charles stiffen and before anyone could react, he started to thrash, trying to get away.

“No! Stay away from me!” He screamed and Erik and Raven both tried to keep him still. “No! Let me GO!” Suddenly there was white, stabbing pain that pierced their heads and made them back away. Raven hold her head and looked behind her, seeing others doing the same. She turned back to Charles who was clawing his head, blood gluing his hairs together and to his forehead. She wanted to call for him, but if she opened her mouth now, she knew she would scream from pain.

 

The doctor stood up and made his way to Charles, kneeling beside him and gripping his upper arm. Erik tried to move back to the hurt man, but his limbs didn’t obey him.

“Charles, they can’t hurt you as soon as you realize they are not here! You have to believe it Charles! Say it! They are not real!” The doctor shouted and Charles felt how the grip became painful. He tried to get his mouth work.

“They-“. He started but was cut off by the man who had before been beside him.

“No Charles! We don’t want to hurt you! I promised to protect you! I love you! So please Charles let us help!” He shouted couple feet away where he was now kneeling and holding his head in pain. His words made Charles halt and realization hit him.

“It’s you…” He said with weak voice and the pain in his own head felt like it was easing slowly. “You promised you’d never leave me.” He said and Erik tried to smile.

“I won’t Charles. I promise I won’t” He said and felt tears in his eyes, from the pain or from the relief, he couldn’t say.

 

Charles wasn’t able to answer as the doctor spoke up again.

“You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep. Say it Charles.” He demanded, but Charles felt like he was waking up. The haze inside his head began to fade and Doctor Truman’s grip wasn’t so strong anymore. He turned to look at the man before he spoke.

“No. It’s you. If they were not real, you shouldn’t be able to hear them. You shouldn’t be able to talk back to them. So it’s you. You are not real!” His words made the doctor pull back with scream and the asylum around them shattered away, returning to the basement. The pain that others had experienced disappeared and they were able to focus again. Charles felt how all the memories came back and smiled tiredly in relief.

 

But the relief was short-lived as the hallucination of Doctor Truman turned to look back to Charles. His skin had already started to shatter and the shadow under it grew taller, until it almost hit the sealing. It growled angrily before it spoke with a raspy voice.

“Real enough.” There was no time to react as it jumped on Charles. The impact made Charles fall to the floor and then there was again blinding pain in his head.

 

The shadow creature disappeared like smoke, just like the others had, as Erik made whole punch of metal tools fly through it. But Charles didn’t sit up. His breathing was shallow and quick like his lungs were refusing to draw enough air inside them. Erik hurried to the smaller man and called his name as he took him into his arms.

“Hank!” Someone, maybe Raven yelled, but Erik couldn’t focus. He looked at Charles’ blue unfocused eyes. Fear made his heart race. This couldn’t end like this!

 

Hank kneeled beside them.

“Erik, I need one of his arms.” He ordered and brought Erik back to the moment. This wasn’t over yet. He shifted Charles slightly so Hank was able to take a hold of his left arm. He started to tie a white band just over his elbow when suddenly Charles’ body started to convulse with spasms and Hank’s hold of his arm broke.

“I need you to keep him still.” Hank’s voice was urgent but there was no trace of panic. Erik tried to keep Charles from hitting his head, but it didn’t really work out alone.

“Raven, hold his head!” He nodded to the girl and moved so she was able to put her brother’s head on to her lap while Erik took a firm hold of his upper arm and wrist.

 

Hank started working again as fast as he could and others gave him light with the flashlights. Erik felt how the spasms got worse and looked at Charles face. His eyes had turned up in their holes and…

“His nose is bleeding.” He informed Hank who was just looking for the vein.

“So are his ears.” Raven said without breath and Erik felt how fear started to freeze him from inside.

“Hank…” He pressed the boy.

“Almost!” He told and finally found what he was looking for. “There!” He prepared the needle and pushed it through Charles’ pale skin to the vein and pushed the liquid out of the syringe. Slowly the spasms died down and Charles’ body went limp.

 

Erik’s fingers found quickly his pulse point from his wrist and he released the breath he had been holding when he felt small pulse under his thumb.

“There’s a pulse.” He told and heard others sigh as well.

“His breathing is still little shallow, but seems to be getting easier.” Raven told and stroked gently her brother’s forehead.

“Good, let’s move him to the lab so I can examine him. With powers gone I won’t do anything with the equipment I have there before the storm is over, but I can at least mitigate the damage.” Hank told and Erik lifted Charles from the hard concrete floor as carefully as he could, not wanting to cause any more damage. Raven helped him to get Charles’ head to lean to Erik’s shoulder before they walked out of the small storage room. He was relieved that he could feel Charles’ weak breath on his neck, because otherwise he could have started to think that he was carrying a corpse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, almost done. Just one chapter after this and I think it will be little shorter than usually.   
> I made small change to chapter 5. there was that scene where the window brakes and Charles sees blood on the shards. I took the blood away, I had had an idea, but it didn't work out in this chapter in the end so if you wondered why it was there, it isn't anymore.  
> I feel like I left quite many loose ends here. Mostly because I used certain things to create atmosphere and didn't think them completely through... (Hehehe... facepalm) I have some ideas but the explanations never made it to the story itself. (At least not yet) So if you have questions, I'm more than happy to answer.  
> But, I hope you liked this. Thank you for reading this, leaving kudos or commenting! The last update will be here soon! ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse, this last chapter has some ridiculous elements in it. But I don't care! I just went with the flow! 'Flies away'  
> It's shorter this time. I'm not so good with endings, but I hope that you find it somewhat satisfying. Please, enjoy :)

The powers came back next morning. The storm had ended, only small rain reminding of the pour of the last night. The manor was unnaturally silent. Like everything inside and outside of its walls was holding its breath, waiting.

 

Erik was sitting in the lab beside a simple bed where Charles was lying still under thin covers, bandages around his head and new one around his burned hand. They didn’t have an ECG, so metalbender held Charles’ wrist so he could feel his heartbeat. It was quiet in the room except for Hank, who was writing something at his desk further away. They ignored each other’s presence, which was the best right now, they weren’t in a mood for another shouting match.

 

It had been after Hank had examined and patched Charles up. They had all been there. Sean, Raven and Alex had held the flashlights as Angel and Erik had worked as “nurses”, holding things out for Hank when he asked for them. Most damage was on Charles’ scalp where he had clawed it, but even that was nothing too serious and only couple cuts needed stitching. After the treatment they moved Charles to a bed that Hank sometimes used when he worked late.

 

“That’s all we can do right now.” The scientist said with a tired sigh and rubbed his eyes as he sat down on a chair beside his desk. Others took example and found surfaces to sit too, except for Erik who reminded standing beside Charles’ bed.

“So, when will he wake up?” Sean asked after clearing his throat. A heavy silence fell between them as everyone’s attention shifted to Hank. Erik noticed how he now reminded him more of the nervous boy who the scientist had been when they had first met. It was like weariness had worn off the confidence he had shown earlier that night.

 

Hank shook his head.

“I don’t know. There’s just too many possibilities.”

“Isn’t it your work to find out the right one?” Erik didn’t even try to hide the frustration in his voice. The night had been long, these whole weeks had just been one big case of speculation and he started to get angry with the lack of straight answers. Then again, Hank didn’t seem that much merrier than him.

“I can’t find the reason when there are no clues.” He told, but Erik could hear that he was struggling to keep the calm.

“Well maybe you should find some clues and not just sit there doing nothing!” Everyone was able to hear the venom in Erik’s words now.

“It’s not that simple! I’m doing everything I can, but I’m not a real doctor and don’t have a proper training! I’ve just read some books about medicine, that’s it!” Hank stood up from his chair and started to walk towards Erik who had also started walking towards Hank.

“Then read more!” He yelled now and could hear metallic objects starting to vibrate with his anger.

“From where? There is no scientific books about telepaths!”

 

They were now glaring each other, just inches apart, both waiting for the other to attack first, but Raven pushed them away and stood between them.

“Stop this! Right now or I kick you both out of here!” She threated, which made two men stop and shift their eyes to her.

“You can’t do that.” Erik said, mere thought of leaving Charles’ side now was impossible.

“I’m his doctor.” Hank argued and made it too easy for Erik to keep his mouth shut.

“Oh, so now you use the term!” He accused and Hank snapped.

“Well I’m sorry. I’m just trying to minimize the damage you’ve done!” He yelled and the words hit their mark. It was like Erik had been punched to the face. He couldn’t react. The metal objects stilled slowly as he turned to look unconscious Charles before he bowed his head with guilt and Hank, as he realized that he had broken his promise to the professor not to tell Erik, he turned his head away too.

 

Those who didn’t know the whole truth of Charles’ injury were looking at each other with confusion, not knowing what had actually just happened. Raven looked between Hank and Erik and cursed inside her head.

“You two are done? Great. If Hank you say that we can only wait now, then we will. From now on this place is for healing and if you start again I won’t be responsible of my actions. Did I make myself clear?” She spoke firmly and two men nodded. Glaring at them one last time, Raven stepped back and moved a chair close to the bed, sitting there beside her brother. Hank didn’t look up as he walked back to his desk and with a deep breath Erik moved to lean at the wall beside Charles’ bed.

 

It didn’t took that long to tiredness to catch up with the others and when Sean almost fell from the table as he nodded off he, Angel and Alex decided to go back to sleep. Soon after that also Raven fell asleep, resting her head on the bed. It took Erik some time but in the end he was able to convince her to go upstairs to sleep, promising that she would be first to know if Charles’ condition changed.

 

Erik was tired now too. He had stayed up the whole night, but he didn’t want to leave Charles alone again. The idea that he might have lost him just hours before forced him to stay and make sure that smaller man was still alive and breathing. He stroked gently Charles’ too pale cheek with his fingers, leaning little closer.

“Please schatz, wake up.” He whispered close to his lover’s ear, hoping that he would hear it through the unconsciousness.

 

…

 

Charles took in his surroundings. He was in the manor, or in a vision his mind had made of it actually, but it looked like there had been a storm inside of it. The whole place was a mess. Broken pieces of furniture laid everywhere, some windows were broken and there were holes in the walls and cracks on the floors.

“Well, cleaning this up will take a while.” Charles said with a sigh as he walked through the hallways. He could feel the usual safety that his own mind gave him, but he also could tell that he wasn’t in charge right now. It didn’t make him that nervous though, somehow he just knew there was no danger here.

 

He stopped at the door of the study and peeked in. There were books and papers everywhere and some of the shelves had overturned. The sight made him let a weary groan. He opened the door properly and stepped inside scanning the chaos. His eyes fell to a lonely chess piece that was lying on the floor just beside his foot. He picked it up with raised eyebrows and turned the black king in his hand. A small piece of it had chipped off, but otherwise it was in good shape. Charles looked around the room again and soon he saw the chessboard that had landed close the fireplace.

“What do you say if we find your friends, hm?” He asked with a small smile from the king and walked to the board setting it up to its original place, on a small table. He put the king on its right place on the board and then turned to look at the room again hands on his hips.

“One down, thirty one to go.”

 

It took some time but in the end he put the last rook down to its own place. As Charles had searched for the pieces he had also picked up some books and papers and put them back where they belonged, so the room had actually started to look more comfortable. He also moved two armchairs back to the board. The small achievement made him smile as he looked the chessboard that was ready for a game. The smile turned to a frown though after a moment. How long time had really passed by? It usually flew when he was inside his own mind. And now that he wasn’t in charge, how was he supposed to get out?

 

 

Charles sat down on one of the chairs and closed his eyes. Usually he just had to focus on something he could sense physically in the real world, but right now he couldn’t feel anything. He hadn’t apparently anchored himself before he entered his mind, which was a beginner’s mistake. Heck, he didn’t even remember why he had entered his mind! Charles let out a heavy sigh, this was just getting better and better.

 

Suddenly he could feel something warm on his left cheek, like a ghost of a touch. His eyes flew open and searched the room, but there was no one there with him. The feeling was gone as quickly as it had appeared.

“What was that?” Charlese thought as he unconsciously touched his cheek where he still could feel the ghost of the touch. Then, something more absurd happened as the chess pieces started to move on their own on the board. Charles watched their movements as they slid forward and backward on their own or in pairs. Soon enough Charles understood that their movements weren’t random, but like they were trying to tell a massage. It was a Morse code. Each time some pieces moved forwards they meant one letter, the lone pieces were dots and the pairs were dashes.

 

As he realized what they were doing, Charles quickly took a random paper from the floor and a pen that was close to it and started to take the code up.

.--.  .-..  .  .-  … .  pause  …  -.-.  ….  .-  -  --..  pause  .--  .-  -.-  .  pause  ..-  .--.

And after that it started from the beginning. Charles had learned Morse code many years ago when Raven had been sick with a flu and he had been really bored. He had gotten a bit rusty so translation took some time. He was sure there was a book of it somewhere in the room, but he didn’t have patience to look for it. Eventually there was a short sentence in front of him. “Please schatz wake up”.

 

Charles looked at the words, stunned. The massage was from Erik, no one else would call him schatz. Soon Charles felt that warmness on his cheek again and this time he closed his eyes and concentrated on that feeling. And slowly he could feel how the manor disappeared around him and he started to sense new surroundings around him. He smelled fine smell of chemicals. He felt little cold, but there was something warm still moving gently against his cheek and something around his left wrist. He heard something low sound, like murmuring, close to his ear.

 

Erik heard small grunt and pulled little away so he could look at Charles’ face. There was a small frown now where earlier had only been blankness. Hope made his heart beat faster as he stared the smaller man who was showing first signs of waking up.

“Charles?” He said breathlessly, little louder than his previous murmuring, but still quiet. He held his breath as Charles’ eyes fluttered slowly open and the blue eyes found his own green ones. The frown on the telepath’s face made way for a small smile.

“Hi.” Charles whispered and Erik released the breath he had been holding as he smiled with relief.

“Hi.” He echoed and for a moment just treasured the sight of his lover, awake and safe.

 

Neither of them said anything, but it was comfortable silence. It was, until Charles realized it was too quiet. He frowned and tried to focus on Erik’s thoughts and touch his mind, but there was nothing. He felt anxiety crawling inside him and it must have been showing on his face, because Erik’s smile disappeared.

“What is it Charles? Are you in pain?” He asked concern in his voice, but Charles shook his head and moved to sat more upright, still trying to reach out with his powers, but it didn’t work.

 

“I can’t feel your mind.” Charles said as Erik helped him sit so his back was leaning to the headboard of the bed. He gripped older man’s hand unconsciously, like trying to make sure that he was real.

“It’s the serum, it’s blocking your powers.” The memories of the past few weeks started to flow back. Charles let out a relieved sigh, the serum had worked, it was finally over.

 

“Professor!” Hank’s voice made both men look up at the blue furred man who was now walking towards the bed. “Thank god you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“Little tired and some minor headache, but otherwise I feel fine.” Charles told as he actually thought about it. He could see how Hank relaxed somewhat from the words.

“Good. That’s good. Would you be up to do some little tests, just to make sure you don’t have any serious brain damage?” He asked and Charles nodded.

“Of course.”

 

Hank moved to other side of the bed, keeping his eyes away from Erik. Charles spared a quick glance towards the metalbender but his face was now unreadable. Charles wondered what had happened to cause tension between two men, or were there actually tension at all. Without his powers it was hard to tell. Even if he didn’t actively read others’ minds some feelings always leaked through.

 

Next few minutes passed by doing little tasks Hank requested. Like, ‘Follow my finger with your eyes’ ‘Touch my palm with your forefinger. Good, now with your left.’ and ‘Say after me, she sells seashells at the seashore’. Charles passed tests easily and without much thought, so his mind was able to wander off. What had actually happened? He still didn’t remember taking the serum, or even anything that would actually had led to it.

“How long was I unconscious?” He asked, hoping to get some information that would help.

“Eight hours, more or less. You really scared us there.” Hank answered, but that didn’t help Charles at all.

“What do you mean?” He looked between two men and their expressions that grew worried.

 

“So, you can’t remember anything of the last night?” Erik asked, his thumb still stroking his left hand and wrist, helping Charles to focus.

“I remember talking to Raven. She was tired so I persuaded her to go to her room and get some sleep. For some reason I didn’t feel tired at all, so I just decided to kill some time by reading. After that, nothing.” Charles stated, shaking his head and lifting his shoulders. It was all like fog after that, he just couldn’t grasp it.

 

Erik and Hank shared a look, like they were struggling if they should tell him or not. It made Charles uneasy.

“What is it? What happened? Tell me!” His outburst made other men flinch, but Hank found his voice soon enough.

“Last night, when the hallucinations came back it made your mind crash. You thought that you were back in the asylum.” He explained carefully, but Charles was sure that there was more to it. He stared at Hank, waiting him to continue, but it was Erik who spoke up.

“When that happened, your powers went wild. You started to project your hallucinations.” Erik felt slightly guilty as he spoke, but he knew that Charles deserved to know the truth and that he would hear it sooner or later. It still wasn’t easier to see how the little color that was left on Charles’ face paled away.

 

“Oh god…” Charles’ voice was barely a whisper. His gaze was focused forward and nothing, his mind moving so fast he couldn’t keep up. Different scenarios and what ifs came and went until he got a hold of himself again.

“Is everyone alright? Did I hurt you?” Charles asked, afraid of the possible answer. Erik put steadying hand on his shoulder.

“We are all fine Charles. Don’t worry.” That should have made him feel better, but he noticed how Erik had evaded the second question.

“But I did hurt you. Didn’t I?” He asked lowering his head and fisting the thin sheets, trying to swallow down the tight feeling in his throat.

 

“You were scared and reacted. No one blames you.” Hank spoke with a gentle voice, but it didn’t seem to reassure the telepath at all.

“Charles, what is done is done. You didn’t mean it.” Erik squeezed Charles’ shoulder, trying to calm him, but smaller man was already over the edge.

“But I could have damaged someone’s mind! I could have- God, I could have killed someone. Or worse!” Charles shouted and when his hands started to make their way towards his head Erik took firm grip of them, so the telepath couldn’t break his stiches by accident.

“And I pushed that coin through your head and started this whole mess!” Erik shouted back and his words made Charles halt and look up at him. “So if you want to blame someone, then blame me.” Erik continued with calmer voice, meaning every word, because this all really was his fault.

 

Charles looked at Erik and was shocked to see his grim expression, like he had lost all his will to try. Like he was a criminal, waiting to hear his death sentence.

“Erik, no.” Charles said firmly and freed his hands from other man’s grip so he was able to put them on both sides of metalbender’s face, making their eyes meet. “I never blamed you and I never will.”

“And we will never blame you.” Erik assured and took a hold of Charles’ wrists again and with a little sigh Charles nodded. Maybe it was better to leave this all behind them.

 

Hank’s awkward cough made them both snap out of staring and draw back from each other. Blush was rising on both of their faces. They had completely forgotten that Hank was just there.

“Umm, I should go and tell Raven that you’re awake.” Hank said clumsily and left the room without meeting their eyes.

 

Charles stared at the door where the scientist had disappeared. His face felt hot from the blush and he turned to look at Erik who was looking back at him, the corner of his mouth tugging. They watched each other for a moment before they both cracked and started to laugh full heartedly. It felt so good, to be able to laugh and feel happy after weeks of struggle.

“Someday we will give traumas for poor children if we are not careful.” Charles said as he tried to catch his breath.

“If it means I can show you how much I love you schatz, I won’t mind.” Erik said smirking and before Charles had time to react he leaned in and kissed him.

 

Erik felt Charles stiffen when their lips met, but soon the smaller man relaxed again and kissed him back. It wasn’t heated or desperate kiss, it was more like a reassurance that they were still together, that they were still fine. After they broke the kiss they rested their foreheads together and just breathed, enjoining the calmness. But when Erik opened his eyes, he could see how smile on Charles’ face was wavering.

“What’s wrong?” Erik asked and moved further away. Charles looked at him and tried to bring the smile back, but Erik could easily tell that it was forced.

“Nothing. It’s just… I’ve always wondered how it would feel without my powers. And I always thought that it would be peaceful and relaxing. But it just feels like I’ve lost a sense, everything seems the same, but still there’s something important missing. It’s unsettling.” Before Erik was able to answer, Charles continued, pointing the finger on him. “And if you say ‘I told you so’ or something like that I will punch you.” Erik didn’t take the threat that seriously, but decided to keep this small feeling of victory to himself.

“I wouldn’t dare. And it will not last long. You’ll be fine soon. And besides it will be easier for you to use cerebro after this.” Erik said with a smirk and made Charles frown.

“How so?” He looked as Erik seemed to try to find the right words.

“Well, you clawed your scalp quite badly last night and in order to stitch the wounds we had to shave your hair.”

“What?” Charles shouted and quickly brought his hand to feel his head. There was a bandage around it and fortunately he could also feel his hair too. It didn’t take long to shock turn into relief and finally to anger.

 

“You bastard! How dare you to joke about things like that!”  Charles shouted and hit Erik’s chest couple times, but it just made Erik laugh harder. Charles couldn’t help but smirk too.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I just wanted to cheer you up. Forgive me?” He asked and Charles acted like he was thinking really hard.

“I don’t know. Maybe if you kiss me again.” He said with flirtatious tone and smiled overly sweetly. Erik seemed stunned for a moment and Charles couldn’t help but feel little smug about slight blush that crept to the older man’s cheeks. Erik recovered from the surprise rather quickly though and smirked.

“With pleasure.” He said and made their lips meet again.

 

Charles knew there was still long way to go. Things to talk about, things to plan and things to worry about. He had no idea how long it would take him to heal, physically and mentally, but he believed that the worst was now behind them. And even if it wasn’t, he had his family’s support. He had Erik. And whatever the future would throw at them, they would make it through together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that was it. I hope you enjoyed it, or at least thought that this wasn't completely waste of your time.  
> Thank you so much you all who read this, left kudos or/and comment! You helped me to get this far. 'Hugs the reader'  
> The end.


End file.
